Focus...please!

On line dating is a whole new world and experience I never thought I would be into let alone even try. Having mentioned in a previous posting I had put my profile out there in cyberspace and was like fresh meat hanging in the market, gaining a second job without pay; I had filtered through my share of interested parties over the trial period with no success...unlike a few of my friends. One guy and I exchanged numbers after a few back and forth online notes. Finally we agreed to meet at a coffee shop not too far from my office. I was looking forward to meeting him face to face and seeing if there was any sort of chemistry.

Rob said he would be wearing jeans and a white shirt so I would know who he was. Coming from work mid afternoon, I would be in a suit. As I headed into the bookstore/ coffee shop I saw this guy standing on the outside with a white shirt and jeans smoking. Oh, please do not let that be him! I’m not at all interested in getting to know someone who has a habit like that because I have no desire to kiss an ashtray today or tomorrow! Should I turn around and go back to my car? No. I said would be here and I am, so just go in. I walked around the shop looking for an exit route just in case then headed to the coffee area.

As I looked around I saw another guy resembling the on line photo of Rob somewhat. Yes, white shirt and jeans on…that must be him. He stood up and introduced himself as I ordered my coffee. Thank goodness it’s not the smoking guy! But, there’s something different about him. We started to talk and I asked about the photos posted, remarking that he seems is a bit older and thinner than what those photos showed. Oh, yeah…the one with the boy at the beach was taken a few years back. Not the eight year old anymore, the kid is in college! What? You must be joking! You posted a ten year old photo thinking you still look the same? My photos are from the last two years and I don’t look that different. I haven’t taken to bon-bons and twinkies! You, Rob, however look not only older but much thinner!

And, what’s with your lack of eye contact? Can’t you look at me? Your eyes are wandering uncontrollably. Focus, please. Look me in the eyes when you are talking to me! What's dishonest here? For the record, it wasn’t the normal eye wandering while checking out the scenery, but an unnatural blinking and focusing disorder. This is weird! I am trying to have a conversation with you, but it appears as if you are out somewhere in left field and unable to look me in the eyes while talking. Is it a nervous disorder or is it something else? Whatever the case is, focus…you on me, me on you. Nope, not happening!

Okay, try to move beyond that one missy and get to know him. No chemistry feelings here but maybe those intriguing chats on line meant something and it was perhaps an opportunity for a new friend. Not sure. Rob began to explain that he had been on several dates and hadn’t really met anyone who was what they appeared to be from their posted profile. Really? And, you think you do? I don’t think so. So far you have represented yourself to be ten years younger than reality by photos. What else is inaccurate? As I was trying to think about this one, Rob said he needed to use the restroom and would be back in a few. No problem, I’ll just have my coffee and wait. No big deal, nature calls us all.

Rob got up and ran off to the restroom, leaving his jacket on the back of his chair. I sat enjoying my coffee as the minutes passed contemplating the date. Well, five minutes turned into twenty! No, not kidding nor exaggerating! I knew he was coming back at some point because he left his jacket. I sat waiting patiently, but realized I probably should have made it easier on him and just walked out. I was obviously not what he was looking for and should have saved him the embarassment or confrontation and just left; better yet, save yourself!! But, I didn’t…I waited for the humiliation and blow face to face. When he finally returned, he was whiter than a ghost and tried to explain he had some stomach issues and didn’t feel well. Oh, gross! I shook his hand and now I probably have cooties! Too late for "circle-circle-dot-dot!" Not only was he not what he appeared to be or represented himself to be, he was sick!

Rob began to explain he had been diagnosed with a serious health condition and now finds himself without a wife, kids gone off to college and alone. Apparently she left him when he got sick. (There’s a special place for people like her, but I won’t go there!) He began to explain some of the side effects of his treatment being both the eye and stomach condition and more. Now I was feeling bad for judging previously and selfishly nit-picking on something he had no control over. My job requires me to assist in quality of life issues for those sick and here I have met someone for a different purpose than what I thought. Going back to mom and dad sharing that sometimes we meet people to give, receive or just enjoy, but it is true we meet all for a purpose. Thanks mom and dad! (Oh, here's the silver lining thing or maybe making lemonade from lemons again!)

Shifting gears now to work mode, I began listening with a different reason. My attention went from my own desires to have him focus on me, but now I needed to focus on him for real. So the next thirty minutes or so of the so called date turned into work and that was it. Not too exciting on the personal front, but there for a greater sharing. I don’t believe in coincidences, the fickle finger of fate but do believe in the hand of God. Never saw him after that coffee date nor heard another word from him. I’m sure he was embarrassed somewhat, but although trying to live a normal life after diagnosis of a serious health issue, I was a little too close to it all and not dating material. He wasn’t a fit for me either, as I am a caretaker and giver to two children and certainly not willing at this point to take on a serious condition of someone I just met and have no real chemistry with. I guess there’s something to be said for the old pheromone phenomenon: it’s either there or it’s not. In this case, it was not there, but not a total loss. Perhaps the sharing was for a greater purpose...