Smile for the camera...

Thank God for friends, right? During the ups and downs in this dating thing, friends kept suggesting they each knew someone I would “perfect” for. The latest was a golfing pal. Fred had a former coworker who also enjoyed golf. Knowing how much I loved the game, he suggested we should all get together and play a round. It would be a prime opportunity for me to get to know Richard more and spend some quality time with a golf buddy-two wins! Golf outings for dates are usually a “what not to do” for me since I have met, in my twenty years of playing the game, countless men paired up for the day and I havne't met too many men I wanted to spend another hour with after those first four. One learns a lot about another person when you spend four hours together on the golf course! But, hey…at this stage of the dating game, I was willing to give it a try. Nothing to lose and maybe a golf partner to gain, right?

Fred planned a Saturday round at a local course favorite and I would meet Richard. Richard, according to Fred, enjoyed traveling, was a professional firefighter and had no real baggage to speak of. Come on! Everyone is carrying around some sort of baggage trunk. Some trunks just have wheels and are portable while others’ baggage is steamer trunks and there’s no hope of moving them without a crane! I tend to think mine are wrapped in a fashionable bag with shoulder straps and easy to let go of at times. Whatever, Fred. You’ve known me for several years, playing golf many times in groups together, so I value your opinion and am running with it.

Saturday came and I drove to the course in make up, a hat and a cute little golf skort with complimentary sleeveless top. (I hate playing in sleeves and always wear a hat-cute but not overdoing it, same as I would any other golf day!) Fred was already on the practice range with a bucket of balls for me and awaiting the arrival of Richard. As we greeted one another and began working on our groove thing: aka swing, Richard strolled up looking as if he had just stepped out of a photo shoot for Golf Digest. Not a hair was out of place, the clothes matched perfectly and were pressed, even the shoes matched! Hhmmmm…first impression saying a lot: too pretty for me; screaming high maintenance already! (Yes, guys can be high maintenance too!!) And, what’s that attachment to his ear? Oh, the blue tooth wireless phone. Hmmm…how important is he or does he think he is that he can’t ditch that for four hours? Strike two already and I have four hours to go. Fred, this is not looking good! What's that saying mom and dad repeated: you never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Richard and I greeted each other with a hand shake, which for this was more than appropriate. Fred, what in the world were you thinking? But, roll with it girl you never know. Richard and I said polite hello’s and each took our spot on the range with a few minutes before tee time. Okay, did I just not witness a whiter than white smile? No, not the normal, “I brush and floss daily” smile, but a completely unnatural and blinding white toothy grin. The kind that makes you think in the middle of the night you might say “honey, could you grab the so and so from the dresser, no need to turn on the light, just smile…that’ll be bright enough!” For real this guy was high maintenance; now I know for sure!

As the starter summoned us to the first tee, I was so not interested in riding in the same cart with Richard. I suggested that Richard and Fred take one cart and I the other since I would be hitting last, from the forward tees. Thankfully, the guys agreed to the “girl logic” and I was in my own cart. Maybe Richard was thinking the same of me already, which was fine by me. At the first tee, Richard’s phone went off. He continued to talk on the phone until he set his ball on the tee, momentarily pausing the phone conversation, swing, then returned to the call. Oh, God please let that be a rare moment and not “par for the course” today. I admit to keeping my phone on while playing, but ringer off and more often than not it’s a quick text message from my kids and response. No discussion, just brief, short and simple.

Anyway, as hole after hole played out, Richard continued with his bright, cheesy smile and phone conversations, sometimes mentioning his travels, cruising and his life. I really tuned out. This guy was turning into a total high maintenance guy and 100% not what I was into at all. There seemed to be nothing “real” about him except a real show. If he had broken wind, woofed it or even tripped on the way to the tee, let out an occasional f-bomb at a bad shot things could have gotten a little better. Nope, not going to happen; this guy was all about appearance and there seemed to be nothing genuine about him, except he was a good golfer-I’ll give him that.

By the turn of nine, I was trying to dig up some excuse to bail but couldn’t think of anything good, so I just stuck it out. Two hours had passed and I was ready to pull out my headphones and tune out, work my own game and be done with this. Back to my old principles I go of a “what not to do” when mixing my pleasures. Although friends had assured me if I wanted to find someone, I might start with the things I enjoy so we could have something in common. This, by far, was disastrous and if I never saw Richard again in my life, it would be too soon. I admit, although not Catholic, there are few people I can do golf twice or more with and Richard was a once in a lifetime experience that I wish I never had. Fred realized well into the front nine that I was in my own world and playing my own game and was trying hard not to notice the bright smiling one who was constantly on his freakin’ phone…quite annoying! Are we on camera here? No, just posing in case someone is watching!

I honestly don’t remember the back nine. I was just going through the motions of playing my own game, letting them go off on their own and talking firemen talk. There was nothing “hot” about this guy at all. Golf is one of those independent, self games that is the player, the course and the ball, good shots and maybe what could be if there was a “mulligan.” Thank God I make my living another way, because I wouldn’t just be “poor on paper” I would be poor in real life. What I lack in real talent, however, I make up in enthusiasm and love for the game- yes, I have the bug! Execution in golf is crucial and enjoyment is what you make of it, regardless of who you are with. I recognize the game itself that day was good; the company however was not as good. I would play with Fred any day, but Richard…absolutely not, without a doubt.

As we finished the game I couldn’t wait to just get to the clubhouse, clean my clubs and drive off into the sunset. There would be no beer to celebrate the end of a good round, share stories of shots of the day and talk of what could have been. Fred and I bid “nice game and catch you later” to one another while Richard and I said maybe two words, but doubtful. Obviously, this was not happening again…once was enough! Richard could go through life smiling for the camera with that whiter than white, cheesy grin. Good luck with that!