Doctor on Call...

In my line of work I tend to meet lots of people and some are in medical crisis, others are trying to assist. Sometimes there are opportunities for a little more than working the issue at hand and a bit of sharing. Such was the case one day after a committee meeting where a few doctors, hospital staff and others such as I were convening. I noticed one doctor in particular paying a bit more interest in me than previously. He asked about a particular subject and wanted to know if he could have my card and if we could talk again another day. Sure, not outside the boundaries of work requirements so it was acceptable to proceed with delivering my contact information and a follow up in the future. I was surprised to see an email requesting a meeting one evening a few days later. Maybe I am a bit on the clueless side, but I accepted and began the preparation for facts and figures relating to the topic discussed. (Yes, I thought this was a business meeting from the very first moment.)

I arrived at the meeting place, documents in hand and ready to talk business. I was surprised, however, when the doctor announced ever so politely that he really just wanted to spend some time getting to know me. What? I was certainly taken aback. I needed to switch gears here and never really even entertained the thought of getting to know you on any other level than the committee we were both members of. Hmm…okay. As he asked if I would like to order something to drink and we could go over the menu of appetizers, I was still trying to get into taking off my work hat and put on the me hat. So, I ordered a glass of wine and we began to engage in small talk, somewhat involving work topics but not as much as personal. (Honestly speaking, the personal side of me is somewhat guarded from professional and I was trying to regroup.)

I began to learn far more than I felt comfortable of the doctor. After medical school, building a successful practice and never having been married, Doctor on call was hoping to meet a woman, get married and have a family. What? Are you looking at me for this fulfillment or just sharing your goals? I dismissed this first warning bell and decided to just enjoy the appetizers that have arrived at this point. Our conversation returned to my comfort zone of work and differing projects up and coming. Whew! What was it about this meeting/ date that I wasn’t clued into or comfortable with? Not sure. Was it the mole on his face that I couldn’t break away from the Austin Powers “moley moley” voice screaming in my ear? I don’t know! I can’t look at this guy for anything other than a business acquaintance while he is looking at me as a great potential, even announcing he thinks it’s great that I have two children, would I like more? What? Maybe, not sure…on the fence, but not making that decision anytime soon, I don’t think so. With you? I highly doubt it. If…and that’s a BIG if…I decided to venture down that road of kids again one day, it would more than likely be a no at my age unless I got started right away with someone I had a real connection with. I’ve had my kids, enjoyed them and have the scars to prove it…Was fun, yes…not thinking of doing it again other than practicing the art! I love my live as it is-to think I would trade my body in again for that is probably not going to happen. Plus, I am the eight hour a night girl; sleep deprivation is not in my vocabulary! Let you in to be their dad, nope…they have one! Start all over again…probably not!

As we continued finishing up the appetizer, the waitress came to ask if we would like to order dinner. Me, no I am almost done with the meeting. It hasn’t gone like I thought, not sure why I am here, so I’m about ready to be on the way out. The Doctor on Call, however, was hungry for dinner and asked if I would mind staying while he ordered dinner. Umm…this is not what I thought and obviously you don’t want to eat dinner alone or go back to your condo without eating, so I guess I can stay. And, I did, feeling somewhat sorry for a well established doctor colleague having to eat dinner alone for an evening. We talked a little bit more about college, current job and issues at hand with patient services. I admit the work conversation with him was much more in line with my comfort zone. When the conversation branched out, yet again, to personal I began to get uneasy.

At forty three, he confessed to feeling as if the clock was ticking and he was in search of finding that someone to build a future with. Here was this guy, mole and all, bearing his inner most thought of having achieved so much but missing a major piece of the puzzle in sharing it all with someone…right here in front of me. What’s wrong with me that I can’t see the forest for the trees? Well, I decided right then and there to be brutally honest and say that I am not there foraging for a mate amongst the pines. I felt bad, but I had to be honest and say I am not that gal. I’ve had my children, devoted seventeen years of life with someone and it didn’t work as planned. Not ready or willing to jump into anything anytime soon with anyone looking for that fairy tale right away. You’re a nice guy and I’m a nice girl, but I’m not what you desire. I doubt I will ever be that girl. I’ve been there, done that, got my t-shirt and scars to prove it!

As he finished his dinner and paid, I expressed gratitude for taking the initiative to ask me out, although under false pretenses. I wished him well in his search and looked forward to working on future projects together. I appreciate the compliment, but respectfully decline future opportunities for outings as I know I am not what you are looking for. I do, however, welcome growth opportunities on projects to benefit our community with respect to our jobs. He politely walked me to my car and thanked me for my time, wished me well and expressed a heartfelt note of being in two different places in our lives at this point in time. If, however, my thoughts change, he would be willing to meet again...on call for the future. Not going to happen, but thanks for the offer.