Sh*t happens...

I met this guy Russ through a friend of a friend and at the first few moments we hit it off. Over several weeks we met for lunch and had great conversations and laughing, sharing and enjoying just quick outings together. Russ invited me for a weekend golf excursion and I accepted. Truth be told, I was really nervous! I had never stayed the night at a guy’s house in years and had no idea of expectations, but assumed he might be thinking more than maybe what I was. I was excited to play a new golf course and just have some time away from the big house that would be childless that weekend. I had to work on Friday at a special event and would end up driving the hour plus to the cottage. The plan was we would do golf on Saturday morning and go from there.

Friday came and I was extremely busy with work. It was over 100 degrees and entertaining almost 750 people for the special event was tiresome to say the least. I took a break in between to grab some BBQ that was provided complete with good ol’ baked beans and fried chicken! It was a quick grab of potato salad and the fixin’s while I was pulled in many different directions, putting out small fires while having a smiling face and saying multiple thank you’s to all present. To be quite honest, it was somewhat draining emotionally and physically, although rewarding in many ways given my line of work. It only happens once a year so well worth the stresses for the day! By the end of the night, however, I was certainly ready to walk into a relaxing weekend plus a nice warm bath.

On the drive down to the beach cottage, I kept playing scenarios in my head: “how is this going to work?” I know the cottage is a three bedroom, one bathroom older beach cottage and we are the only ones there for the weekend, but who’s going to sleep where? I hadn't really thought of logistics until the drive down. I knew Russ a little, but not enough to honestly stay the night in the same bed with. What was I thinking when I agreed to go down for the night? All I want to do is get a bath, relax for a bit, get up and play a round of golf in the morning! Not so sure I am going to be the best of company and mouse olympics is more than likely out of my party plans, but I will certainly be ready for a good game in the morning. So, I just kept driving…looking forward to maybe a glass of wine, hot bath and a good night’s rest! I could figure the rest out later.

When I arrived at the cottage, Russ met me at the door and explained there were some problems with the family cottage. Evidently there was a plumbing issue and he was trying to fix a leak in the bath tub himself. Okay, so I will not be getting that much desired bath right away, but here’s a chance for you and I to get to know each other more and work on a project together. Good God…that bathroom was torn apart! The fixtures were off the wall, lying on the floor and the toilet was intact, but running at a constant pace, water everywhere even with the valve off! For the first hour or so I was handing tools to Russ while he tried to piece together the mess in front of me and we were both trying not to be impatient with the process. Remember I was dirty, stinky and really only wanting a bath or shower at least- fun meter beginning to rise to red and the tiredness was starting to build! Poor Russ was trying his best to get the plumbing issue resolved, but I decided to bail out before things got ugly. Probably the best deal for both of us. I know how I get when things aren't going my way: a few too many f-bombs dropped, a tendency to have a hammer "fix" it all or even scissors. So I did the big girl thing and ventured to the guest room, passed out, literally exhausted from the day.

At some point in the night I awoke to some rumbling in my stomach. Oh, no! I think I need to “go.” No low numbers here, I think this is going to be a “get up and make your move quick” moment! Russ was no where to be seen or heard, so I tried to quietly race to the bathroom for quick bombing, courtesy flush and loss of at least two pounds. Not so easy, missy! As I entered the bathroom, I realized the toilet was now missing! What? What happened? Where did it go? Oh it was there, in the hallway towards the little kitchen, but not where it was suppose to be. I freaked!! I had an “issue” that needed to be resolved and resolved quickly! So, I did what probably anyone would do…I took a little grocery bag and headed to the great outdoors where lots of opportunities to take care of business were abound! I had no choice! Holy crap, Batman…what am I doing? Quickly too…time is of the essence!

Okay, so I did what had to be done. No waiting, no looking for the appropriate place, just did it. Same as that day of my half marathon between the concrete pilings for crowd control. As a former marathoner, there’s no shame in going when nature calls. I see lots of “opportunities” for taking care of business; forget the “tp” or privacy to a certain degree, just do it! So, into the baggie I go. Tied up just like the doggie treasures from a neighbor’s walk of the dog, I went…behind a bush in the back of the beach cottage under the moonlight. I placed the baggie by the back of my vehicle tire to dispose of properly at the time of departure. No one would know. I wouldn't mention it to Russ at all, he would never know, and I was relieved…even lost probably that two pounds thanks to the BBQ and heat combo!

Back into the guest room I go, no stirring or sound from Russ, thankfully. But, man did I feel like I really could use that shower now! YUCK! When you aren’t feeling your best, the last thing you want to do is be in someplace other than home! Nope, I was at the cottage of a guy I barely knew, an hour plus away from my own bed with no running water in the bathroom and some major stomach issues. I had paid the toll and was worried that now I might be driving for quite a while, if you know what I mean! I tossed and turned all night! I am certain I didn’t get more than three hours sleep--not good for the eight hour a night girl!

Finally morning came and I awoke to what most do: the call of nature. But wait, no water and the toilet was still in the hall. WTF? Russ had been up before daylight trying his best to get it all going. I don’t know what the problem was; that’s not my area of expertise! I can hand a tool and smile while doing it even with bed head; yes I know the difference between Thomas and Phillip, but no clue on what the hell is making this leak. I just know it’s not working right! Fix it and fix it now!! Please!! Nope, major issues! So, I went outside again…yep! To the great wild: birds chirping, sun rising and a sea salt spray in the air…aaaauuuughhh..relief! The only way this could have been any worse than what it was would be the addition of the monthly "crimson tide." Thank you, Lord for at least not that!

Russ tried his best, bless his heart. Golf was not going to happen. There were more pressing issues that had to be taken care of and his family cottage had issues far greater than my own. He brewed coffee and said that at nine o’clock the closest hardware store would open and he could get the parts needed to fix the plumbing. Unfortunately at this point I was just trying to deal with my own issues and decided it was time for me to leave. I politely said that I would be glad to take the trash out, knowing full well I would be adding my own little baggie, and call it a day Time for me to go to my own home, shower and catch up later or another day. I gathered my things and headed out on the drive back home. I never heard from Russ again. Oh well...sh*t happens!