Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Meet my friend Mark...

I met this guy Mark at a friends home one night. We certainly had a connection from the moment we met. He was by far one of the most handsome men I had met: attractive salt sprinkled brown hair and piercing blue eyes. In the short time we talked, he seemed to “get” my quirky sense of humor. Exchanging numbers at the end of the night was easy with Mark! My first thought, however, was to start with “8…6…7…5…3…0…9.” But, decided that might not be such a good idea. I’m not Jenny…plus, I really would like for him to call. So, I gave the real number.

Our date night was scheduled for a Saturday. Some of his friends had invited him to a private wine tasting with a local writer on wines and all would be making dinner while sampling different flights and topped off with dessert. Well, I tend to think my love of wine is kind of like my love of golf…which may equate to sex to some ways: I may not know a lot about it, nor have a lot of experience, execution of it all might be challenging at times, but confess to enjoying it! I stopped by my local, friendly wine shop to grab a new favorite dessert wine and awaited Mark’s arrival. Unlike all the other dates, I allowed Mark to pick me up at my house. My children were away for the weekend and for an unknown reason, perhaps it was shear comfort experienced from the first moment we met and on our many phone calls, a protective barrier was lowered, and I agreed to let Mark pick me up at my home. I was letting him in to see me, where I lived and learn more about me…the real me.

Yes, I admit I was somewhat apprehensive in meeting his friends at their home.I wasn’t sure what to wear. All afternoon I was in and out of my closet. It was going to be a warm night, home on the pond but I didn’t know them. Dining with a real editor for real wines? Back and forth to the closet with “nothing to wear” I was in a dilemma, when a quick text arrived: dress for tonight is casual. How did he know I was literally standing in my closet trying to figure it out at that very moment? His timing is unbelievable! As we exchanged quick texts on dress ideas, I settled on a pair of kaki shorts and a nice, white top that the kids and I had taken our family beach photos in the summer before. All girls have their own body image issues and I have a self consciousness about my legs, but for some reason I felt as if I could be me, wear shorts and it would be okay. I know men like skirts, but back to that whole leg thing, I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. Yeah, what’s the difference between a skirt and shorts, you might ask? Not sure, except access and femininity, but for me shorts seemed fitting for the evening.

Mark arrived on time. I invited him in, showed him around quickly downstairs and offered him a cocktail. We talked a little small talk, laughed a little and enjoyed getting to know each other more. There really is something different about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but was beginning to be drawn in to him. The way he explained his job was right on a level for my understanding: not above or below me, but right to where I could understand engineering terms and electrical/ technical/ software system issues that may have been boring before somehow seemed “wow” like and really interesting! And, he seemed equally interested in my job. For once, I didn’t want to talk about me but learn all I could about him and really listen. After our cocktails and quick exchanging comfortable talk, we made our exit and headed towards the evening out.

Once at the friends home, they greeted me with friendly smiles, warm hello’s and even a hug! I felt so welcomed!! The nervousness I had experienced anticipating the evening quickly dissipated! All were introduced, small chatter began and Mark stayed close by, but not hovering over. He and the host disappeared to chat with the editor while the hostess and I worked in the kitchen. The wife of our local wine editor joined in the kitchen fun as the three of us laughed and began to get to know one other. I had such a comfortable introduction to the friends and was thoroughly enjoying the evening! This is GREAT!! Mark took me outside to the pond to see the ducks and we engaged in more, small get to know you talks. Again, I was feeling really relaxed and at ease. He was making this so easy! And, that’s how it should be: life is complicated enough! Friends should compliment your life, not complicate it! Somehow he gets it!

As the wine tasting began with the appetizers prepared and dinner was beginning to be served, we all sat to the large table to enjoy. There was a passing of this, passing of that, here you share this, you share that…try this…try that! Some rhyme and reason, but all in all, it was a true sharing! So much my style! One flight of wine after another and all sharing thoughts of the clothed and hidden bottles, it was a night of pure fun! As I sat next to Mark at the table, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by his charm, understanding and knowledge of the wines, his courteousness and concern for me and my comfort. I was impressed. He made sure I understood some of the technique to proper tasting and did so in a non-condescending way, even describing different glasses and shapes to allow wines to breathe properly. I was learning so much about him, his style and demeanor as well as his consideration. He was interested in teaching me but more importantly sharing with me. It was great to see him with his friends and how he interacted, listening and sometimes adding. Without a doubt, I was having a great date for sure!

After dinner and the wine bottles exposed, we each laughed and acknowledged sometimes the most expensive bottle isn’t the one best enjoyed. Our new editor friend shared a few tips on wines that possibly could be nice and a good price, we were all enjoying the evening immensely. The bonus was seeing Mark and learning more about him in front of his friends; a cherry on the ice cream topped with lots of chocolate and plenty of whipped cream! Shortly after dinner and dessert, the wine couple left for the evening while Mark and I stayed to share in the bottle of wine I had brought over with the host and hostess. It was a delicious chocolate red wine blend from Holland served over ice. Truly scrumptious- not just delicious! That ol’ “truly scrumptious” song playing in my head from a childhood classic Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ”…when your with me, it’s so delicious...” We continued great conversation by the unlit fire in the great room with host and hostess. I listened intently to Mark and the host share their knowledge and enthusiasm for cycling and learned of the hostess and her career. The minutes and hours of the night seemed to have passed so quickly. Before I knew it, it was nearing midnight and we were saying our good bye’s and thanks to the hostess and host, complete with a light hug as we left.

Mark drove me to my home and politely walked me to the door. A quick offer to come in was accepted and we sat to talk a little more on the sofa in the main room. Not much of a night owl, I was beginning to fall victim to the wine and relaxed mood. Sensing my quick fading and not wanting to overstay his welcome, Mark bid farewell as he exited the front door. A good night kiss was granted and a true thanks for a great date experienced expressed! Wow! This was a wonderful evening and so much on my level of comfort and enjoyment. Yes, I would gladly accept another outing if asked! Much to be thankful for in remembering this one.

Note to all: Enjoy your thanksgiving weekend, where you are at at this moment and where you have been that lead you here today. Deep thought in closing out this post: "One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” Dale Carnegie

Friday, November 20, 2009

across the pond...

My lunch date number who knows what, but still counting was set. Mr. of the day was working in the area temporarily but wanted to meet a local girl and go from there. He had been divorced just under a year, three children, athletic and into politics/ government. I thought, well just try it out. I had never been to the lunch spot before and was curious of the first hand experience at a place I had heard about.

I arrived to meet my man of the hour choosing a small table on the veranda overlooking the river. Great spot!! It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon to enjoy the waterfront view, boats all about, and get to meet someone new. Once Ian and I decided on lunch and my ordering enough for three, I explained that lunch was my largest meal of the day. I continued to explain my routine of a smaller breakfast, large lunch and lite dinner. And, yes I did snack on fruit or yogurt & nuts during the day. I have a healthy diet…and no, I didn’t expect him to pay for my food. I was going to eat and not some small salad like some girls might!

Ian explained his foreign status and how he was working on a temporary assignment in the U.S. and eventually would be moving back to Europe with his three small children so they could be closer to their families. Radar…I’m not moving! I love my life here in Virginia Beach and doubt I am moving anywhere anytime soon. Three small children…hmmm…I have two children and am not ready to be a mom to three others anytime soon either. He explained how his wife left him with the three little ones and how being a single dad working is quite difficult, especially with the hours he has to put in. Well, I was sensing the need of a caretaker…not just for the kids, but for him too. I don’t think I’m that gal; I have enough to take care of with my own house & two kids.

As the food arrived I offered to share, but the offer was declined. So, I did what I normally would do…I ate! He picked at his plate of seared tuna and seaweed mix and we continued to talk. The conversation revolved around his impending move back to Europe, how life was so different in the U.S. and we aren’t nearly as simple as he had been led to believe. My patience meter was beginning to rise to red as he somewhat bashed the American dream and although I listened, admit it was half hearted. I set my sights on the sails along the water. The view and location were by far better than the company.

But, as us time conscious Americans are he went on, he had allotted only one hour and would have to get back to the office. He politely asked, could I do lunch again another day in the future? Well, maybe. I don’t think I’m what you are looking for, but why not? I gave my office number and email address. He said he would be in touch. It would be easy to filter the email and decide later.

Probably a week or more passed and an email request came in for lunch from Ian close to my office. Sure, I don’t have anything that day. So lunch date # 2 with Ian was made-technically not a one date wonder. We chose a trendy, yet favorite place for lunch with some of my favorite foods! Once there, he said he appreciated my meeting him again and felt we had a lot in common and a connection. Really? I didn’t think so. I only said yes to meeting you again because mom said I didn’t give you a chance. (Yes, I do listen to mom still on occasions! Was there a secret hint at a desire to take a European trip?)

As we sat at the bar area of one of my favorite lunch spots, I ordered an appetizer and a regular meal. He ordered a small salad again. When the food came, I offered just as before to share. He absolutely looked at me like I had cooties! Is this a “what not to do” in your country? I hadn’t planned on feeding you, just being polite and offering to share a sampling yet again of the variety of foods. Sensing this is a derailing train here, I began to enjoy my meal and couldn’t wait to get to my fortune cookie-certainly there would be some good news there! At some point during lunch, Ian made some snide comment after seeing him pick at his salad and my offering once more to give him some of mine “I’ve seen you eat lunch and thanks, but no thanks!” Well, that didn’t sit well with me! I have good table manners and I was taught to share and be considerate! Kindness, giving and patience are all virtues I think I possess but as told once before, yes..horns do hold up my halo!! And look out, buddy ol’ pal…my horns are coming through!!

I went back to mom’s little words of I didn’t give the guy a chance…here’s your chance, mister-make something good out of what you just said! But, it didn’t happen. He pulled out a shovel and began digging the biggest black hole imaginable! I felt like I was Forrest and Jenny was yelling at me..”Run, Forrest! Run!!” No sharing of food, no sharing of laughs, just stick a fork in me…this is done! I asked for the check, paid my bill and said a polite “nice to meet you, but please don’t call or email again.” And, that truly was it. I’m not moving across the pond, I’m not the nanny to be…good luck with that! In this case, mom, my instincts were right…so not worth the second try. But, you and I can take a trip to Europe another day!

Friday, November 6, 2009

"Holy" Art Thou...

Entering the realm of which way to turn after divorce and a great number of faulty first starts on the dating scene, I flicked my arrow and sought yet another round with the dating crew. Couldn’t decide whether to go up the ladder or back two spaces, I ventured into the round of unknown potentials but still counting..ding!ding! with my friendly dating service. Surely there had to be at least a few good dates out there. After all, why would someone pay so much to use their services? Interesting question-don’t answer that!! I mean, I had met some nice, well maybe not the right term, men. But, nope they didn’t make it past the first date. Wait…was it me and I didn’t make it past the first date? Maybe, now there’s something to ponder! Did I have too high of standards? Was I giving off some crazy leach vibe or maybe just a crazy girl vibe? Not sure, but either way I was ready to enter the ring again with nothing to lose and knowledge to gain of what I want and don’t want.

It was a Friday night, Fall just around the corner. The girls had phoned in a request: could I meet this lawyer at the trendy wine bar down from the office say seven thirty? According to my new best friends, he was divorced, early fifties, tall and handsome, successful practice and one child in college. He enjoyed the beach, golf, tennis, running and boating. Okay, I am up for it! Sounds like a plan! Friday night came and I had plenty of time to run home from the office, change into some comfortable but nice going out clothes and certainly no panty hose or heels! I even had time to really shower! Wow, I kind of like the meeting a bit later plan although it’s a bit different than my norm.

I arrived a bit fashionably late thanks to the traffic, but rushed through the door only to be thankful there wasn’t a tall, handsome lawyer like guy pacing the floor awaiting his date. Whew! He’s not here yet! So, I glanced around the room and saw this suited man seated at the darkened bar starring at me. Ewww creepy! I think I will sit at the other end of the bar and await my date who is probably late thanks to traffic too. At the other end of the bar, Mr. Creepy was still eerily starring me down as the bartender took my order. As my wine arrived and I glanced at the television to see Sam Choy’s Hawaiian cuisine show on the Food Network, Mr. Creepy ventured my way. Oh crap! This is not happening…my date is going to walk in any minute and you are going to be embarrassed or more than likely I will. Either way, shoe fly…go away!! But, nope he kept on coming, making his way to the bar chair next to mine. Without much hesitation he asked if I was “Trish” and friends with “Gina?” Oh no…my date is Mr. Creepy! I should have lied, but I didn’t. I answered honestly it was me. (Trish is not my real name.)

We talked pleasantries for the first few minutes as he brought his drink down towards my end of the bar and I couldn’t help but notice as he crossed his legs there was a hole in his sock. Okay, why I noticed I am not sure, but I did. As the ground work was laid as to his successful law practice and his three divorces, one child in college and his knowledge of who’s who of our community, I began to be even more turned off. He was dropping names and titles like flies and I was hoping the bartender would hand me her fly swatter and I could shoe him away-for real! Not going to happen. He asked my schedule and flexibility, specifically stating he was attracted to our near twenty year age difference (What? I thought he was early fifties?) Depending on my schedule, he could meet for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even a quick snack in between. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? YUCK! I think this guy was just hinting at a little afternoon delight, but would be willing to tango anytime and I don’t mean dance either! Gross!!

By now Sam Choy was becoming REALLY interesting to me. For those who have clued in thus far, I’m not a big television fan. But somehow I was drawn to the boob tube and wishing that fly swatter was in my right hand! As Mr. Creepy explained he was an avid runner and had gone home earlier, ran five miles, then headed out to meet me, I couldn’t help but go back to the darkened suit with the pair of socks and large hole. Who puts on a suit after an afternoon jog to go meet a young woman with holes in their sock? At least stop by Walmart and buy a $2.50 pair of gold toes for Pete’s sake!! Cut the guy some slack on the suit part chica, maybe he had a late day court case or something.

Mr. Creepy lawyer guy went on and on about his vacation house abroad, his many trips and how he would love a travel companion for weekend excursions. Before he could get to the part of inviting me down south, however, he did want to ask me a few questions. I was beginning to think a trial on Trish was about to begin. “Okay your honor, I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” with my right hand raised and left on THE book. Asked if I had a sense of faith and belief in a higher power, I answered yes. Do I attend church services regularly? Well, not exactly but often. Pleased with my open and honest answers, he asked about my church and shared his. Then, came the all important question of the evening dropped like an atom bomb in my lap: “Do you believe in premarital sex?” What? Did I just hear you correctly? Oh my! I think I did! Hmm…let me think about this one for a minute, dear sir. My response was a pretty good one if I do say so myself: “one can always pay for just about anything: a lawyer, an accountant, a maid, a nanny, and even a girl-but not this one!”

Sensing my edge and protective barrier raised, Mr. Creepy began to back peddle. He was apologizing for offending me and even offering a refill of my wine, which by this point I was ready to toss whatever was remaining in his face. If you have to ask the question, what is the fun of trying to find out, at least on this subject anyway? The ever time is precious and I am wasting it became quite apparent. The plane had taken a sharp nose dive and he was thinking “May day, May day the plane is going down…we are going to crash! Pull up! Pull up!” Nope, plan B in motion and I am out of here. Check please, no refill of my glass of wine, thanks but no thanks! I would like to say that it all ended there, but it didn’t.

Mr. Creepy paid for my drink and offered to walk me to my car since the sun had set and the parking garage would be dark. Well, that is kind of him. So I accepted the offer and we made our way toward the parking garage. I was nearly sprinting at a fast walkers pace with him politely trailing behind. Once at my car, he moved in for a good night kiss…oh my precious holy art thou Jesus no! Uuuggg! No freakin’ way! Yuck! That’s not happening, but it was. I think I spun my head around so fast one would think I was from that horror film of the 80’s. I jumped in my car faster than a bolt of lightening, closed the door and put it in drive. I couldn’t get out of the parking garage fast enough. I waved a polite goodbye and was gone like the wind under superman’s cape! No phone numbers exchanged, no good night nothings, whew it was over! Thank you, Lord!