All dressed up from a long day of work and still a date to go, I ventured out to that familiar spot downtown which had become a new favorite. I was to meet a new guy for a quick drink and get to know you good time. The girls at the dating service clued me in on my date of the evening: tall, handsome, articulate, no children, never married, 6 foot 2 inches and about 185 pounds, not too skinny but not real athletic either and certainly no body fat. He was successful in his career but wanted to meet someone to enjoy some of life at the beach with and go from there, even liked yoga. Sounds great, so far so good!
I arrived as usual a bit early to freshen up and take my seat at the bar. A really nice man traveling on business was seated watching the game. I sat at the end of the bar and ordered a drink awaiting the arrival of Mr. Maybe or Perhaps. As minutes passed, the traveler began to strike up a conversation that was interesting. He had never been to the beach but traveled to the city often for quick business trips. What a shame! Having seen many beaches, I am partial to Virginia Beach, thanks to the beautiful boardwalk and many opportunities to enjoy good times courtesy of the free life blessings about. After learning his wife and three children might travel with him on his next visit, I shared my love of the beach and what a family place it could be for a vacation. While deeply entrenched in conversation with the business traveler, my date of the night walked in, a bit late but better late than never!
I knew it was him right away. He was tall and handsome just like the girls mentioned. He was wearing a nice pair of linen pants with an orange polo shirt and seemed quite casual but comfortable. That’s a plus sign already: relaxed and unpretentious by appearance. He came and stood on the side of the business traveler, glanced my way and calmly said: “Hey! Good to see you again! Mind if I join you?” Well, I was liking the style already. Of course I had never seen him before, but he didn’t want anyone else there to know that. (In fact later that night the bartender asked if we worked together…oops, fast forwarding.) Jim joined me at the end of the bar, sat next to the business man. We began our get to know you conversation after ordering a glass of wine, but the conversation was more on the lines of events of the day, work projects and events in the news, the sports playing out on the big screen.
The first hour was quite relaxing and conversationally adept on both sides. We each shared our jobs, what brought us to the area, where we lived, hobbies and so much more. Finally, get to the point by not wasting my time or yours me asked the ever important questions: do you take drugs, have children, want children, etc. All of which were answered honestly and openly with the response I was searching for and even with a sense of twisted humor tossed in. It was shaping up to be a great date for the first hour, so much so I decided I would like to order dinner and stay awhile. As fate might have it, he read my mind and asked if I would like to stay for dinner and move from the bar to a table. Why certainly!!
Dinner and a nice bottle of wine were ordered. The conversation continued mixed in with lots of laughs on dating, life, sports and all kinds of subjects mixed in. By far this was the best date in a long time the girls had set me up on. I think I may have found a match! He was easy to talk to, handsome, funny and there was a click, not chemistry but a relaxing enjoyment and ease about him. Maybe that salesman style was coming out a bit as we went through the night in conversation: he selling himself to me and I was buying, full price-forget the sale and savings, sign me up!!
As a few hours passed and dinner was done, we decided that given the work night and long day ahead, we should call it a night. A true gentleman, he offered to pay for the evening and walk me to my car. Easy and quick, we had both used valet service so that didn’t take long. Once at my car he opened the door and explained he had a good time. I agreed and offered my number. No, he didn’t ask…I offered. Hmmm…that was weird! But, maybe he just forgot and wanted to see where my interest was. Dismissed it and closed the door. Yeah! A good night, finally after quite some time! I enjoyed his company and he not an eye sore in the least; sure I would certainly do it again.
As he entered his car, motioned me to exit first and exclaiming he would follow to ensure my safety home; gentleman qualities appear again. Thanks girls!! Can I call this a great date? Maybe; it was fun and I would like to do it again so why not? As I drove towards my house he followed not too closely but close enough to allow me to know he was there. How sweet is that? Okay, here’s my exit: blinker on and a tap of my brakes. He flashed his bright lights, gave a friendly little toot of the horn as was off into the night. I went my way, he went his: never to be seen again! Yep, you are reading correctly-never saw the guy again, never heard from him, don’t even know his last name-really! Not wasting too much time trying to figure this one out, I can only say that he must not have been the glittering gold I thought he was.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
the group outing...
Okay, having dealt one on one with many dating ventures, I joined a group of singles. It seemed somewhat appealing: you could engage in ballroom dancing, movie nights out and other events that you wouldn’t have to go alone…a group of other singles would be right there with you. Nearly perfect, I thought. Some of these things on the monthly calendar I might not try alone. How nice that a group would get together and you could mix and mingle, maybe even find a compatible companion or at least meet a new friend. Plus, the price was right for a trial period…I was broadening my horizons and taking a chance!
The first outing seemed innocuous, even somewhat interesting and in my comfort zone: a concert at the beach with a little dinner or appetizer prior. Great- I love the beach! For a nice summer’s night, it would be ideal…maybe. I decided to have a friend join me and we would go together. We took off for the night’s meeting spot and checked in. How would I know who’s who? Do we have a scarlet letter sewn in on someone’s chest? Nope! A colorful scarf--- close! As we checked in and sat at a table where already at least five others were, I began to feel a little out of place. Everyone was much older than I and definitely interested in dinner, not the concert and being outside. A few others found there way to the scarf table and began making one large group. By the time everyone who had RSVP’ed arrived, there was a good 25 or so singles in the group. Can’t judge a book by its cover, but I think the most we had in common was that we were single. As the conversations began to unfold, it became quite apparent to me that yes, that was about all we had in common.
Have you ever seen the movie American Gigilo? Well, it was kind of like that! I was Deuce and I was hanging out with the city’s tallest guy, shortest guy, the one that had more issues than all the pills manufactured could help, and almost everything in between! I was completely out of place! I was a “normal” girl with a good life, happy and just wanting to maybe meet someone to share laughs with and go from there. These folks didn’t know how to laugh…they were stuck in misery of regret and time had passed them by; they were resentful and seeking happiness within someone else instead of looking inside or even at the reflection in the mirror for their part in the play! It was beyond a crazy myriad of folks. But, looking for the silver lining in the situation, I realized that they too were like me: single and putting themselves out there in hopes of finding someone who would understand them, appreciate their special qualities and maybe even create something lasting even if just a friendship.
Outside I ventured, to the great ocean breeze awaiting the live band and a completely different set of normsl. My friend joined me and together we were contemplating the group; really not my speed, type or interest, but, nice, none the less. I did make a few business contacts, so it wasn’t a total loss. The food was good, but the company was a reminiscent of a “what not to do” in the future. The band was setting up and soon they would begin to play. Now the fun was just beginning! Many people began to gather and the crowd started to thicken. Opportunities began to arise and meeting others outside the group emerged. Okay, group thing not so bad. I got out of the house, beginning to come into my own and if it had not been for the group event, I wouldn’t be here. Thanks, group! The band was AWESOME! We danced quite a bit, listening to the live music while the waves crashed on the shore…or in Virginia Beach where there are no waves unless there’s a storm, they rolled in somewhat silently. But, the music was great and thankfully the other members of the group stayed inside or maybe even left for the night; I have no idea. Never saw most of them again.
A few hours into the night, with a couple of other single gals outside of the group joining us, the evening was shaping up to be more entertaining than I had imagined. No, I didn’t meet a guy that would remotely have a snow ball’s chance in hell for my attention, but I realized yet another thing: this single, dating life would be about putting myself out there and enjoying life, experiencing things maybe I wouldn’t have before. Sure I would have gone to an outdoor concert, maybe not that one or even by myself, but I was glad I did this one. We danced, laughed and shared stories of dating just as girls often do when out for the night. In the end, it was a blast! As I ventured to my car for the valet service later, I found gratitude in the experience. Learning more about myself than I thought I would and thankful for yet a night out to listen to the band at the beach! Being alone does have its advantages and if unable to spend the night with one someone special, at least you can enjoy the moment of where you are- with or without a guy or group: realizing more and more that happiness comes from within.
The first outing seemed innocuous, even somewhat interesting and in my comfort zone: a concert at the beach with a little dinner or appetizer prior. Great- I love the beach! For a nice summer’s night, it would be ideal…maybe. I decided to have a friend join me and we would go together. We took off for the night’s meeting spot and checked in. How would I know who’s who? Do we have a scarlet letter sewn in on someone’s chest? Nope! A colorful scarf--- close! As we checked in and sat at a table where already at least five others were, I began to feel a little out of place. Everyone was much older than I and definitely interested in dinner, not the concert and being outside. A few others found there way to the scarf table and began making one large group. By the time everyone who had RSVP’ed arrived, there was a good 25 or so singles in the group. Can’t judge a book by its cover, but I think the most we had in common was that we were single. As the conversations began to unfold, it became quite apparent to me that yes, that was about all we had in common.
Have you ever seen the movie American Gigilo? Well, it was kind of like that! I was Deuce and I was hanging out with the city’s tallest guy, shortest guy, the one that had more issues than all the pills manufactured could help, and almost everything in between! I was completely out of place! I was a “normal” girl with a good life, happy and just wanting to maybe meet someone to share laughs with and go from there. These folks didn’t know how to laugh…they were stuck in misery of regret and time had passed them by; they were resentful and seeking happiness within someone else instead of looking inside or even at the reflection in the mirror for their part in the play! It was beyond a crazy myriad of folks. But, looking for the silver lining in the situation, I realized that they too were like me: single and putting themselves out there in hopes of finding someone who would understand them, appreciate their special qualities and maybe even create something lasting even if just a friendship.
Outside I ventured, to the great ocean breeze awaiting the live band and a completely different set of normsl. My friend joined me and together we were contemplating the group; really not my speed, type or interest, but, nice, none the less. I did make a few business contacts, so it wasn’t a total loss. The food was good, but the company was a reminiscent of a “what not to do” in the future. The band was setting up and soon they would begin to play. Now the fun was just beginning! Many people began to gather and the crowd started to thicken. Opportunities began to arise and meeting others outside the group emerged. Okay, group thing not so bad. I got out of the house, beginning to come into my own and if it had not been for the group event, I wouldn’t be here. Thanks, group! The band was AWESOME! We danced quite a bit, listening to the live music while the waves crashed on the shore…or in Virginia Beach where there are no waves unless there’s a storm, they rolled in somewhat silently. But, the music was great and thankfully the other members of the group stayed inside or maybe even left for the night; I have no idea. Never saw most of them again.
A few hours into the night, with a couple of other single gals outside of the group joining us, the evening was shaping up to be more entertaining than I had imagined. No, I didn’t meet a guy that would remotely have a snow ball’s chance in hell for my attention, but I realized yet another thing: this single, dating life would be about putting myself out there and enjoying life, experiencing things maybe I wouldn’t have before. Sure I would have gone to an outdoor concert, maybe not that one or even by myself, but I was glad I did this one. We danced, laughed and shared stories of dating just as girls often do when out for the night. In the end, it was a blast! As I ventured to my car for the valet service later, I found gratitude in the experience. Learning more about myself than I thought I would and thankful for yet a night out to listen to the band at the beach! Being alone does have its advantages and if unable to spend the night with one someone special, at least you can enjoy the moment of where you are- with or without a guy or group: realizing more and more that happiness comes from within.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Time is on my side...
My new best friends called one day asking if I had some time to meet someone after work one night. Sure. Kids aren’t home this week, so why not? Didn’t really know much about the guy, only that he lived sometimes in my town and in another out of state, liked boating, travel, played tennis for his college, had no children, mid-forties, newly divorced and interested really in just meeting new people. Me too, on the last part at least, so I agreed.
I arrived a few minutes early to the wine bar and had a chance to zip into the ladies room and grab a table. As I saw this guy approaching, I thought…oh no, please do not let that be him. He was a Jack Nicholson look alike, could even be his twin-bad hair plugs and all! Yes, it was my date-much to my chagrin--unlucky me! As he came in dressed in his ridiculous silver and black jacket with jeans, he greeted me with a big bear hug. I honestly began to choke on his cologne- he must have taken a bath in it! Beyond over powering, was he hiding some terrible BO or smokers scent? Either way, I was so thankful that I was sitting across from this guy at a rather large table top for two rather than an intimate table for two all the way in the back!
As the waitress came over to give our menus and ask if we had been there before, both of us said yes. She asked if we knew what we would like to drink and I said I would like to try the Argentina chardonnay, if possible a glass only. He announced he would like “a cab.” Well, is that the yellow cab company? Do you have their number? This was a wine bar with more than two hundred different wines. He didn’t even look at the menu, which I had a chance to look at prior to his arriving and decide on a nice glass of wine. The waitress was a bit taken aback and looked at me for guidance, for which I had none. I didn’t know this guy and had no clue what he liked, disliked, preferred, or not; I was just as clueless as she was! Finally, she asked a few probing questions and she chose one for him.
As the waitress was off getting our glasses, he began to tell me all about his nasty divorce and how this week he was swamped with settling estate issues and was not happy it was all court ordered. I was lucky he could spare an evening out for drinks. He was busy dividing half of this, half of that. He was completely angry about places he use to go he no longer feels accepted, so called friends dropping like flies and choosing sides, etc. He was going on and on about his divorce, very discontent and even fair to say bitter about it all. But, he was thankful there were no kids involved. He should have seen it coming: a real gold digger his ex-wife was. After all, he had this and that and was worth this and should be more than fine with that, even if having to share for some years, court ordered of course. As fifteen minutes had probably passed by now, I realized I was ten minutes late for the door! Sticking to the dating service guidelines, I had committed to meet this guy for one hour. How am I going to stomach this? I have forty five minutes left and judging by the size of his watch, bigger than my phone, I could easily keep track of time and be done with this growing mistake!
Finally, the waitress returned with our drinks. I think I could have used a double by this point of a shot instead of a swanky glass of wine! Stick the iv in me, just to get me through the hour! Calgon or something take me away-please!! The waitress was quite nice, asking if we had a chance to look at the menu and would we like to order an appetizer? I suggested something quick and easy, a Mediterranean cheese platter with a possible prawn and mushroom bruscetta sauce to share. Great choice, as he agreed and continued dismissing the waitress to run off and prepare our goodies-chop chop, missy…I’m trying to score here! Once she left, he began to return to his miserable life, but had so much to offer someone: lives in a luxurious penthouse overlooking the city, flies routinely to ball games and has plenty of room on the plane for college buddies and friends, all of whom are financially secure and come from a long line of thoroughbreds and some of the best education in the country. Finally, a bit disgusted with all the “things” he was throwing out there to me, I mentioned one of my philosophies in life: the richest guy in the cemetery is just like everyone else there…he’s dead! Can’t take any of "it" with him, but goes out like he came: with nothing! Well, he wasn’t impressed with my philosophy one bit!
Then, he asked about my job and how I got involved in my work. I explained how I started, how I enjoyed it and just what an honor I feel to be paid to do something I love so much as each day is different. My job is what I consider a “paycheck of the heart.” What a load of crap, he thought; I could see it in his eyes! I could tell by his demeanor and his previous comments that he was all about the stuff in life and although he attended seminary and was a devout catholic, he was driven by the dollar and accumulating more and more. Life was a game to him, to conquer and settle deals, and according to him, he was quite good at the game! Winning was what he was happiest doing and then celebrating the nail in the coffin! Wow-I have a real winner on my hands here! Have at it, hot dog! Good for you! Life is too short, in my humble opinion, to chase a dollar bill! Another deep thought emerges on happiness yet again: happiness is in the journey of life, not the destination of job titles, excess bank accounts, fancy cars and clothes. Whew…got that out! But, just as before, he was so not impressed. We were by far, polar opposites on this one…and no, not the kind of “opposites attract” either-we were fundamentally opposite, wired completely different with no hope of balance!
Once our food arrived, I prepared a small plate for me and tried to explain the different cheeses and even the honey and other accompaniments for different flavors accenting the wines, both of ours. He grabbed the prawn dish with his bear like claws. I barely had a chance to get one before he was downing the remainder and nearly licking the sauce plate clean. It was utterly disgusting! For someone who had so much success, one would think he had more sense than that or at least better table manners and surely that big expensive, better than average education could have afforded some sort of knife and fork school. Nope, not this guy; he was a taker! No giving traits observed or spoken as of yet.
I had really spared about as much time as I could handle with this guy and it was not getting any better. In fact, it was becoming more and more obvious to both of us that we were wasting our time. Speaking of time, I was watching the minutes go by on that big watch of his from across the table. Barely before the hour limit, I decided to excuse myself and do the right thing: leave. I know we weren’t finished with the appetizers and I hadn’t finished my glass of wine, but I was done with this date for the night and this guy forever. I had plenty of time for the night to enjoy, but not with this winner. I thanked him for his time, but explained I needed to go and relieve my sitter. Oh, that’s right, I don’t have one; kids are out of town, but he didn’t know that! I left the posh wine bar and went home to have my own glass poolside. When certain time is being wasted, check out- you never know what tomorrow will bring! Thankfully time truly is on my side!
I arrived a few minutes early to the wine bar and had a chance to zip into the ladies room and grab a table. As I saw this guy approaching, I thought…oh no, please do not let that be him. He was a Jack Nicholson look alike, could even be his twin-bad hair plugs and all! Yes, it was my date-much to my chagrin--unlucky me! As he came in dressed in his ridiculous silver and black jacket with jeans, he greeted me with a big bear hug. I honestly began to choke on his cologne- he must have taken a bath in it! Beyond over powering, was he hiding some terrible BO or smokers scent? Either way, I was so thankful that I was sitting across from this guy at a rather large table top for two rather than an intimate table for two all the way in the back!
As the waitress came over to give our menus and ask if we had been there before, both of us said yes. She asked if we knew what we would like to drink and I said I would like to try the Argentina chardonnay, if possible a glass only. He announced he would like “a cab.” Well, is that the yellow cab company? Do you have their number? This was a wine bar with more than two hundred different wines. He didn’t even look at the menu, which I had a chance to look at prior to his arriving and decide on a nice glass of wine. The waitress was a bit taken aback and looked at me for guidance, for which I had none. I didn’t know this guy and had no clue what he liked, disliked, preferred, or not; I was just as clueless as she was! Finally, she asked a few probing questions and she chose one for him.
As the waitress was off getting our glasses, he began to tell me all about his nasty divorce and how this week he was swamped with settling estate issues and was not happy it was all court ordered. I was lucky he could spare an evening out for drinks. He was busy dividing half of this, half of that. He was completely angry about places he use to go he no longer feels accepted, so called friends dropping like flies and choosing sides, etc. He was going on and on about his divorce, very discontent and even fair to say bitter about it all. But, he was thankful there were no kids involved. He should have seen it coming: a real gold digger his ex-wife was. After all, he had this and that and was worth this and should be more than fine with that, even if having to share for some years, court ordered of course. As fifteen minutes had probably passed by now, I realized I was ten minutes late for the door! Sticking to the dating service guidelines, I had committed to meet this guy for one hour. How am I going to stomach this? I have forty five minutes left and judging by the size of his watch, bigger than my phone, I could easily keep track of time and be done with this growing mistake!
Finally, the waitress returned with our drinks. I think I could have used a double by this point of a shot instead of a swanky glass of wine! Stick the iv in me, just to get me through the hour! Calgon or something take me away-please!! The waitress was quite nice, asking if we had a chance to look at the menu and would we like to order an appetizer? I suggested something quick and easy, a Mediterranean cheese platter with a possible prawn and mushroom bruscetta sauce to share. Great choice, as he agreed and continued dismissing the waitress to run off and prepare our goodies-chop chop, missy…I’m trying to score here! Once she left, he began to return to his miserable life, but had so much to offer someone: lives in a luxurious penthouse overlooking the city, flies routinely to ball games and has plenty of room on the plane for college buddies and friends, all of whom are financially secure and come from a long line of thoroughbreds and some of the best education in the country. Finally, a bit disgusted with all the “things” he was throwing out there to me, I mentioned one of my philosophies in life: the richest guy in the cemetery is just like everyone else there…he’s dead! Can’t take any of "it" with him, but goes out like he came: with nothing! Well, he wasn’t impressed with my philosophy one bit!
Then, he asked about my job and how I got involved in my work. I explained how I started, how I enjoyed it and just what an honor I feel to be paid to do something I love so much as each day is different. My job is what I consider a “paycheck of the heart.” What a load of crap, he thought; I could see it in his eyes! I could tell by his demeanor and his previous comments that he was all about the stuff in life and although he attended seminary and was a devout catholic, he was driven by the dollar and accumulating more and more. Life was a game to him, to conquer and settle deals, and according to him, he was quite good at the game! Winning was what he was happiest doing and then celebrating the nail in the coffin! Wow-I have a real winner on my hands here! Have at it, hot dog! Good for you! Life is too short, in my humble opinion, to chase a dollar bill! Another deep thought emerges on happiness yet again: happiness is in the journey of life, not the destination of job titles, excess bank accounts, fancy cars and clothes. Whew…got that out! But, just as before, he was so not impressed. We were by far, polar opposites on this one…and no, not the kind of “opposites attract” either-we were fundamentally opposite, wired completely different with no hope of balance!
Once our food arrived, I prepared a small plate for me and tried to explain the different cheeses and even the honey and other accompaniments for different flavors accenting the wines, both of ours. He grabbed the prawn dish with his bear like claws. I barely had a chance to get one before he was downing the remainder and nearly licking the sauce plate clean. It was utterly disgusting! For someone who had so much success, one would think he had more sense than that or at least better table manners and surely that big expensive, better than average education could have afforded some sort of knife and fork school. Nope, not this guy; he was a taker! No giving traits observed or spoken as of yet.
I had really spared about as much time as I could handle with this guy and it was not getting any better. In fact, it was becoming more and more obvious to both of us that we were wasting our time. Speaking of time, I was watching the minutes go by on that big watch of his from across the table. Barely before the hour limit, I decided to excuse myself and do the right thing: leave. I know we weren’t finished with the appetizers and I hadn’t finished my glass of wine, but I was done with this date for the night and this guy forever. I had plenty of time for the night to enjoy, but not with this winner. I thanked him for his time, but explained I needed to go and relieve my sitter. Oh, that’s right, I don’t have one; kids are out of town, but he didn’t know that! I left the posh wine bar and went home to have my own glass poolside. When certain time is being wasted, check out- you never know what tomorrow will bring! Thankfully time truly is on my side!
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