Let's Get Ready to Rumble...

God only knows how many dates I had been on thus far, but was willing to keep putting myself out there. I mean, I'm a realist and recognize that you can't have it all: you can't be young, rich, smart, beautiful and talented at golf!! I think I have a lot going for me, however: I’m smart..sort of, pretty-not first thing in the morning, funny-yep...got that!, fun-location insignificant..and don’t really need a lot or ask a lot. Surely somewhere out there is a guy that would not only appreciate my company, but would love it! So when the girls called one day to ask if I could meet Greg for an after work drink, I said, “sure, why not?” Greg was a divorced father of one, ten years older than I and lived in the area, but traveled quite a bit for work. Didn’t really get much into his hobbies other than travel and thought it might be a fit. By this time, I was kind of getting my fill of the one date wonders, But, you can't get two if you don't start with one. I agreed to meet Greg at my new comfortable grounds downtown for an after work drink and take it from there.

Sometimes traffic can be a nightmare, so I left the office an hour prior to my meeting time. Wouldn’t you know it that on this day, traffic was a “non-issue” and I made it barely twenty minutes tops. So arriving early and not sure what to do with my extra time, I planted myself at the bar and ordered a glass of wine to relax from the day. There were many travelers there on business watching a game, but I nestled myself into a corner spot and took a glass of water to place at the bar chair for my date to be while the friendly bartender got a glass of wine for me. After about fifteen minutes or so I decided to make a phone call outside to a friend where the two of us girls could chit chat prior to my date. Wonder how this one will go? No clue, just text me in an hour in case I need to be rescued. Agreed!

After our call, I checked in with the server and she told me that my date had already arrived. Oops! Gotta get that glass from the bar, missy. I must look like a lush! Once at the table carrying my half glass of wine from the bar, Greg politely introduced himself and I sat. No, he didn’t get up to pull my chair but instead, he just waited for me to sit down. So I did. He had a little cheat sheet of notes on my details from the dating service and started going down the list, pulled from his jacket pocket. Wait one second, am I on an interview here? Well, I guess I am in a round about way. To say it was strange in the first five minutes was an understatement. Yes, it’s me. I’m really 38 with brown hair and blue eyes, weighing in at about 135. Yes, I work full time, have two kids and enjoy golf, tennis, travel, boating and am actively involved in my community.

Oh…thirty-eight. That brings me to this question, Greg calmly asks: “What do you call a girl your age who goes after younger men?” Well, you and I both know what they’re called: Cougars. (I have since been told that the “cougar” tag is really for those forty and older-what do I know?) As he continued, “so what do you call a girl your age who goes after older men?” Clueless, I’m trying to think: “what is this guy talking about?” Without skipping a beat, he says they are called “Gold diggers.” Well, insult number one had been thrown out into the ring and my pretty pink gloves were coming on! “LET”S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!” I politely said that he had just thrown insult number one out there and he was teetering on being rude. But, that didn’t stop him. He said, “Oh, I’m sorry. What I meant to say was that you must be looking for a “sugardaddy.” DING!! DING!! Punch number two had been thrown in Round One and I ducked, but was coming back with my own left hook! Did I forget to tell you that my x husband of 17 years is ten years older than I? No need to explain, it was useless; this guy wasn’t worth explanations! Piece of f’n sh*t…now I feel like the girl with Tourret’s Syndrome, donning beautiful pink gloves!

Can you believe it! Not even fifteen minutes into the date and I had been insulted not once but twice. Okay, let’s go back for just a few on the dating service that so kindly introduced us. Who do you think paid for this? Was that part of my divorce agreement? I’m sure it didn’t read in there somewhere: “I don’t like you, don’t love you or even want you, but I want you to be happy, so here’s X amount of $$ for you to go find someone else.” No, I paid for it myself! I don’t need your money or anyone else’s jackass! I’m pretty good on my own. Who do you think you are? Notice, patience is a virtue but meter pegged on this one pretty darn quick! As for the “gold digger” inquiry: do you have gold worth digging? I highly doubt it! Most people I know who have it, don’t need to talk about it in the first fifteen minutes! It’s obvious and goes without saying!

I assured Greg quite prophetically that he was on Strike 2, Round Two and the bell had been rung. I was about to be a walk out when he started talking politics, trying to make an awkward moment better. Well, that’s another deep subject with me that you just don’t jump into on a first date without some skirting. Where did this guy learn his dating skills from-a cracker jack box? Greg described his allegiance to his country, despite who is in office. Somewhat admirable, I admit, but that just tells me he’s not strongly convicted on either side of some serious issues. We just entered Round Three and there was a knock out in store and I don’t think I’m the one going down this time! He continued to bash former presidents and some positions, but really flip-flopped on some key issues that I consider important. You opened the can, if you know what I mean, now ready or not, here it comes! It was hardly the intellectual conversation I had imagined. I’m so convicted in my beliefs and support of those I feel beliefs coincide with mine that I actually rode my bike one day to greet a former President and First Lady while visiting my town. American flag in hand and in my gym clothes, I rode my bike to show my support…and not when I was twelve either, I was in my early thirties! To say he was not impressed or cared is an understatement. His conviction was based on who could or would financially support his initiatives. He was willing to be persuaded either way by the almighty dollar. Grow a backbone buddy and stand up for what you believe in!

As the one hour was approaching rather slowly, I knew without a doubt I was wasting my time. Greg was in no way shape or form anything remotely what I was interested in. Although he tried to regroup after the whole age thing, then politics and moved into Round Four…finally sharing his last six months of travel and how he would love to share some of those trips with someone like me. Someone like me? What the heck is that? Am I your arm candy to show off? Get a grip, buddy! I want someone I can be proud of too! I was honest and assured him up front and right there at that moment I was in serious doubt our first meeting would amount to a second. Dumbfounded, he asked if it was because of the politics. No, actually the politics was the icing on the cake. I’m a bit nicer than Mike Tyson and won’t take off your ear; I might pull at it for a bit, but I’m not buying the stuff you’re selling!

Uugghh! Remembering this is nauseating enough! But, it was real and a one date I am glad I walked out on. I had to share it because it is real and just another one of those incredulous moments in the dating ventures. As I awaited valet, he offered to wait with. I insisted I would be just fine without him, in more ways that just the one. Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to be seen anywhere near you…not today, tomorrow or ever! Ding! Ding! Match over! Neither win or lose, it’s an experience and one taken as just that!

As we move into a New Year...may it be a great one for you...a perfect 10 in 2010~:-) Thanks for passing along the site, making 09 incredible for me; lemonade from lemons. I am truly blessed!

a three hour tour...

So I met this guy George through a friend at a summer party and cook out. He seemed genuinely nice, educated, somewhat attractive and had his stuff together from what I could gather in the short time we talked. He owned a boat and enjoyed going out for little fishing trips, playing golf and enjoying life outside of the financial world of consulting for his day job. We talked throughout the afternoon and into the night and decided to exchange numbers. I had no intention of calling him, but if he called me I would answer and take it from there. He was a bit older than I by a good fifteen years, so we were in two completely different places in our lives. His two daughters were in college, my two kids still at home. But, he seemed nice enough and would be a potential friend at the least.

George phoned one day asking if I would like to take a boating trip and maybe go fishing. Sure! I love the water, have a respect and admiration for the ocean and would love to enjoy a beautiful day fishing! Why not? We planned to meet on a Saturday morning, early at a launch site somewhat close to where we would set our plan for fishing close to the where some good catches might be. I packed my day bag of sunscreen, towels and even a healthy snack to share of fresh fruit: blue berries, bananas, strawberries and other in season goodies!

Once at the landing dock, I met George, his daughter and her boyfriend. What? I thought it was just the two of us. Not sure I am ready to meet the family, but ready or not, here they are and here I am. I felt like freakin’ Suzie Homemaker with my day bag and fruit to share! Okay, nice to meet you’s and let’s get this boat in the water and set out to catch some fish! Not a cloud in the sky, we ventured out and I began to learn the ropes on trolling. The thirty or so foot boat had a nice little cabin below, but missing one crucial element: a real bathroom. What would be the plan for that? A bucket below with a quick dump on the side, I was assured. Hmmm…that’s not exactly what I had in mind on get to know you’s, but how bad could it be? Up for the day and out to enjoy, I can roll with it even on calm waters!

We rode out to a few spots, cast the lines and kept trolling for fish while listening to the radio and lying out on the boat deck. George’s daughter and I shared girl stuff and were getting to know each other while the guys did their man stuff of baiting the hooks, casting the lines and trying to catch some fish. It was truly a gorgeous day on the water and not a cloud in sight. A few fish were caught, but nothing that was able to save for a possible cooking later that day. A great start to a wonderful Saturday out on the Chesapeake Bay!! What more could I ask for?

Eventually nature called and I needed to relieve myself. I asked again about where to go, what the proper procedure was for this boating adventure and was told yet again about the bucket in the cabin being the best bet. So, pee in the bucket and George would ever so kindly dump the bucket off the side. I opened the cabin door with bucket in hand and started down the few steps.

Oops…Houston I think there’s a problem. Trying not being an alarmist or pushing the panic button on Polly Paranoid, I stepped into knee deep waters…ocean and bay waters combined inside the boat! Trying real hard to control my “oh no, there’s something wrong here and where’s the life jacket,” I summoned George, forgetting all about my nature stuff. Umm, is there a reason the cabin is filled with sea water? George looked in to see and confirm that “Yes, there is a problem!” We were indeed filled with water and if the water didn’t get out soon, we might just sink right here!

Fast forward to everyone get your life jacket on and let’s reset the pump, try to empty the boat and hope we aren’t calling the Coast Guard yet! I don’t know exactly what George did, but I went to the deck, tried to lay low and catch some sun and ignore the fact that this could be serious. Inside I was quite nervous! But, I went with the “if George isn’t panicking, then I shouldn’t” thought. We pulled in the fishing lines and his daughter and I sat together wrapped in towels being sprayed while the cabin was emptying at boat speed. Not sure how it all works, didn’t ask and really didn’t care as long as the life jacket was close. I had visions of being in the ocean water and the boat sinking…not good! What was your last meal? Oh, a tuna sandwich and some fruit salad! Not what I had envisioned as my last meal at all! I always thought I would be having those large strawberries dipped in chocolate while some hunk was taking my breath away, literally! Nope, I was going down in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay with tuna and fruit! Great!!

As we traveled throughout the Bay fishing lines in and water being expelled, George was certainly not Captain Fun! I could tell he was nervous, but didn’t want to really say. After a good amount of time, the water in the cabin was gone, George was trying to regroup for a day to fish yet again. I, on the other hand, was ready to call it a day. I had experienced what I considered a near death potential and wanted no part of the remainder. Get me back on dry land and to my safe harbor. I was wind beat, a bit over done with the sun, still had to pee and the bucket was looking like my only option. I took it as we headed in, and did the disposing as naturally as possible along the side of the boat.

We trolled a bit more and not really catching anything but a few half hearted laughs at the experience. The mood had certainly changed even George’s daughter was a bit somber. No one was coming out with the seriousness of the experience or voicing being frightened by it all. Maybe this is why my kids call me “chicken mom!” We headed towards the docks, each of us having a job to do. George was steering us into position, guiding the boat in, my taking the ropes to tie up temporarily then run get the Jeep while the rest of the crew helping as much as possible with not many words exchanged. Not exactly the boating excursion I had in mind, but neither do most plans play out like I thought. Story of my life and the three hour tour!

Doctor on Call...

In my line of work I tend to meet lots of people and some are in medical crisis, others are trying to assist. Sometimes there are opportunities for a little more than working the issue at hand and a bit of sharing. Such was the case one day after a committee meeting where a few doctors, hospital staff and others such as I were convening. I noticed one doctor in particular paying a bit more interest in me than previously. He asked about a particular subject and wanted to know if he could have my card and if we could talk again another day. Sure, not outside the boundaries of work requirements so it was acceptable to proceed with delivering my contact information and a follow up in the future. I was surprised to see an email requesting a meeting one evening a few days later. Maybe I am a bit on the clueless side, but I accepted and began the preparation for facts and figures relating to the topic discussed. (Yes, I thought this was a business meeting from the very first moment.)

I arrived at the meeting place, documents in hand and ready to talk business. I was surprised, however, when the doctor announced ever so politely that he really just wanted to spend some time getting to know me. What? I was certainly taken aback. I needed to switch gears here and never really even entertained the thought of getting to know you on any other level than the committee we were both members of. Hmm…okay. As he asked if I would like to order something to drink and we could go over the menu of appetizers, I was still trying to get into taking off my work hat and put on the me hat. So, I ordered a glass of wine and we began to engage in small talk, somewhat involving work topics but not as much as personal. (Honestly speaking, the personal side of me is somewhat guarded from professional and I was trying to regroup.)

I began to learn far more than I felt comfortable of the doctor. After medical school, building a successful practice and never having been married, Doctor on call was hoping to meet a woman, get married and have a family. What? Are you looking at me for this fulfillment or just sharing your goals? I dismissed this first warning bell and decided to just enjoy the appetizers that have arrived at this point. Our conversation returned to my comfort zone of work and differing projects up and coming. Whew! What was it about this meeting/ date that I wasn’t clued into or comfortable with? Not sure. Was it the mole on his face that I couldn’t break away from the Austin Powers “moley moley” voice screaming in my ear? I don’t know! I can’t look at this guy for anything other than a business acquaintance while he is looking at me as a great potential, even announcing he thinks it’s great that I have two children, would I like more? What? Maybe, not sure…on the fence, but not making that decision anytime soon, I don’t think so. With you? I highly doubt it. If…and that’s a BIG if…I decided to venture down that road of kids again one day, it would more than likely be a no at my age unless I got started right away with someone I had a real connection with. I’ve had my kids, enjoyed them and have the scars to prove it…Was fun, yes…not thinking of doing it again other than practicing the art! I love my live as it is-to think I would trade my body in again for that is probably not going to happen. Plus, I am the eight hour a night girl; sleep deprivation is not in my vocabulary! Let you in to be their dad, nope…they have one! Start all over again…probably not!

As we continued finishing up the appetizer, the waitress came to ask if we would like to order dinner. Me, no I am almost done with the meeting. It hasn’t gone like I thought, not sure why I am here, so I’m about ready to be on the way out. The Doctor on Call, however, was hungry for dinner and asked if I would mind staying while he ordered dinner. Umm…this is not what I thought and obviously you don’t want to eat dinner alone or go back to your condo without eating, so I guess I can stay. And, I did, feeling somewhat sorry for a well established doctor colleague having to eat dinner alone for an evening. We talked a little bit more about college, current job and issues at hand with patient services. I admit the work conversation with him was much more in line with my comfort zone. When the conversation branched out, yet again, to personal I began to get uneasy.

At forty three, he confessed to feeling as if the clock was ticking and he was in search of finding that someone to build a future with. Here was this guy, mole and all, bearing his inner most thought of having achieved so much but missing a major piece of the puzzle in sharing it all with someone…right here in front of me. What’s wrong with me that I can’t see the forest for the trees? Well, I decided right then and there to be brutally honest and say that I am not there foraging for a mate amongst the pines. I felt bad, but I had to be honest and say I am not that gal. I’ve had my children, devoted seventeen years of life with someone and it didn’t work as planned. Not ready or willing to jump into anything anytime soon with anyone looking for that fairy tale right away. You’re a nice guy and I’m a nice girl, but I’m not what you desire. I doubt I will ever be that girl. I’ve been there, done that, got my t-shirt and scars to prove it!

As he finished his dinner and paid, I expressed gratitude for taking the initiative to ask me out, although under false pretenses. I wished him well in his search and looked forward to working on future projects together. I appreciate the compliment, but respectfully decline future opportunities for outings as I know I am not what you are looking for. I do, however, welcome growth opportunities on projects to benefit our community with respect to our jobs. He politely walked me to my car and thanked me for my time, wished me well and expressed a heartfelt note of being in two different places in our lives at this point in time. If, however, my thoughts change, he would be willing to meet again...on call for the future. Not going to happen, but thanks for the offer.

Smile for the camera...

Thank God for friends, right? During the ups and downs in this dating thing, friends kept suggesting they each knew someone I would “perfect” for. The latest was a golfing pal. Fred had a former coworker who also enjoyed golf. Knowing how much I loved the game, he suggested we should all get together and play a round. It would be a prime opportunity for me to get to know Richard more and spend some quality time with a golf buddy-two wins! Golf outings for dates are usually a “what not to do” for me since I have met, in my twenty years of playing the game, countless men paired up for the day and I havne't met too many men I wanted to spend another hour with after those first four. One learns a lot about another person when you spend four hours together on the golf course! But, hey…at this stage of the dating game, I was willing to give it a try. Nothing to lose and maybe a golf partner to gain, right?

Fred planned a Saturday round at a local course favorite and I would meet Richard. Richard, according to Fred, enjoyed traveling, was a professional firefighter and had no real baggage to speak of. Come on! Everyone is carrying around some sort of baggage trunk. Some trunks just have wheels and are portable while others’ baggage is steamer trunks and there’s no hope of moving them without a crane! I tend to think mine are wrapped in a fashionable bag with shoulder straps and easy to let go of at times. Whatever, Fred. You’ve known me for several years, playing golf many times in groups together, so I value your opinion and am running with it.

Saturday came and I drove to the course in make up, a hat and a cute little golf skort with complimentary sleeveless top. (I hate playing in sleeves and always wear a hat-cute but not overdoing it, same as I would any other golf day!) Fred was already on the practice range with a bucket of balls for me and awaiting the arrival of Richard. As we greeted one another and began working on our groove thing: aka swing, Richard strolled up looking as if he had just stepped out of a photo shoot for Golf Digest. Not a hair was out of place, the clothes matched perfectly and were pressed, even the shoes matched! Hhmmmm…first impression saying a lot: too pretty for me; screaming high maintenance already! (Yes, guys can be high maintenance too!!) And, what’s that attachment to his ear? Oh, the blue tooth wireless phone. Hmmm…how important is he or does he think he is that he can’t ditch that for four hours? Strike two already and I have four hours to go. Fred, this is not looking good! What's that saying mom and dad repeated: you never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Richard and I greeted each other with a hand shake, which for this was more than appropriate. Fred, what in the world were you thinking? But, roll with it girl you never know. Richard and I said polite hello’s and each took our spot on the range with a few minutes before tee time. Okay, did I just not witness a whiter than white smile? No, not the normal, “I brush and floss daily” smile, but a completely unnatural and blinding white toothy grin. The kind that makes you think in the middle of the night you might say “honey, could you grab the so and so from the dresser, no need to turn on the light, just smile…that’ll be bright enough!” For real this guy was high maintenance; now I know for sure!

As the starter summoned us to the first tee, I was so not interested in riding in the same cart with Richard. I suggested that Richard and Fred take one cart and I the other since I would be hitting last, from the forward tees. Thankfully, the guys agreed to the “girl logic” and I was in my own cart. Maybe Richard was thinking the same of me already, which was fine by me. At the first tee, Richard’s phone went off. He continued to talk on the phone until he set his ball on the tee, momentarily pausing the phone conversation, swing, then returned to the call. Oh, God please let that be a rare moment and not “par for the course” today. I admit to keeping my phone on while playing, but ringer off and more often than not it’s a quick text message from my kids and response. No discussion, just brief, short and simple.

Anyway, as hole after hole played out, Richard continued with his bright, cheesy smile and phone conversations, sometimes mentioning his travels, cruising and his life. I really tuned out. This guy was turning into a total high maintenance guy and 100% not what I was into at all. There seemed to be nothing “real” about him except a real show. If he had broken wind, woofed it or even tripped on the way to the tee, let out an occasional f-bomb at a bad shot things could have gotten a little better. Nope, not going to happen; this guy was all about appearance and there seemed to be nothing genuine about him, except he was a good golfer-I’ll give him that.

By the turn of nine, I was trying to dig up some excuse to bail but couldn’t think of anything good, so I just stuck it out. Two hours had passed and I was ready to pull out my headphones and tune out, work my own game and be done with this. Back to my old principles I go of a “what not to do” when mixing my pleasures. Although friends had assured me if I wanted to find someone, I might start with the things I enjoy so we could have something in common. This, by far, was disastrous and if I never saw Richard again in my life, it would be too soon. I admit, although not Catholic, there are few people I can do golf twice or more with and Richard was a once in a lifetime experience that I wish I never had. Fred realized well into the front nine that I was in my own world and playing my own game and was trying hard not to notice the bright smiling one who was constantly on his freakin’ phone…quite annoying! Are we on camera here? No, just posing in case someone is watching!

I honestly don’t remember the back nine. I was just going through the motions of playing my own game, letting them go off on their own and talking firemen talk. There was nothing “hot” about this guy at all. Golf is one of those independent, self games that is the player, the course and the ball, good shots and maybe what could be if there was a “mulligan.” Thank God I make my living another way, because I wouldn’t just be “poor on paper” I would be poor in real life. What I lack in real talent, however, I make up in enthusiasm and love for the game- yes, I have the bug! Execution in golf is crucial and enjoyment is what you make of it, regardless of who you are with. I recognize the game itself that day was good; the company however was not as good. I would play with Fred any day, but Richard…absolutely not, without a doubt.

As we finished the game I couldn’t wait to just get to the clubhouse, clean my clubs and drive off into the sunset. There would be no beer to celebrate the end of a good round, share stories of shots of the day and talk of what could have been. Fred and I bid “nice game and catch you later” to one another while Richard and I said maybe two words, but doubtful. Obviously, this was not happening again…once was enough! Richard could go through life smiling for the camera with that whiter than white, cheesy grin. Good luck with that!

Meet my friend Mark...

I met this guy Mark at a friends home one night. We certainly had a connection from the moment we met. He was by far one of the most handsome men I had met: attractive salt sprinkled brown hair and piercing blue eyes. In the short time we talked, he seemed to “get” my quirky sense of humor. Exchanging numbers at the end of the night was easy with Mark! My first thought, however, was to start with “8…6…7…5…3…0…9.” But, decided that might not be such a good idea. I’m not Jenny…plus, I really would like for him to call. So, I gave the real number.

Our date night was scheduled for a Saturday. Some of his friends had invited him to a private wine tasting with a local writer on wines and all would be making dinner while sampling different flights and topped off with dessert. Well, I tend to think my love of wine is kind of like my love of golf…which may equate to sex to some ways: I may not know a lot about it, nor have a lot of experience, execution of it all might be challenging at times, but confess to enjoying it! I stopped by my local, friendly wine shop to grab a new favorite dessert wine and awaited Mark’s arrival. Unlike all the other dates, I allowed Mark to pick me up at my house. My children were away for the weekend and for an unknown reason, perhaps it was shear comfort experienced from the first moment we met and on our many phone calls, a protective barrier was lowered, and I agreed to let Mark pick me up at my home. I was letting him in to see me, where I lived and learn more about me…the real me.

Yes, I admit I was somewhat apprehensive in meeting his friends at their home.I wasn’t sure what to wear. All afternoon I was in and out of my closet. It was going to be a warm night, home on the pond but I didn’t know them. Dining with a real editor for real wines? Back and forth to the closet with “nothing to wear” I was in a dilemma, when a quick text arrived: dress for tonight is casual. How did he know I was literally standing in my closet trying to figure it out at that very moment? His timing is unbelievable! As we exchanged quick texts on dress ideas, I settled on a pair of kaki shorts and a nice, white top that the kids and I had taken our family beach photos in the summer before. All girls have their own body image issues and I have a self consciousness about my legs, but for some reason I felt as if I could be me, wear shorts and it would be okay. I know men like skirts, but back to that whole leg thing, I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. Yeah, what’s the difference between a skirt and shorts, you might ask? Not sure, except access and femininity, but for me shorts seemed fitting for the evening.

Mark arrived on time. I invited him in, showed him around quickly downstairs and offered him a cocktail. We talked a little small talk, laughed a little and enjoyed getting to know each other more. There really is something different about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but was beginning to be drawn in to him. The way he explained his job was right on a level for my understanding: not above or below me, but right to where I could understand engineering terms and electrical/ technical/ software system issues that may have been boring before somehow seemed “wow” like and really interesting! And, he seemed equally interested in my job. For once, I didn’t want to talk about me but learn all I could about him and really listen. After our cocktails and quick exchanging comfortable talk, we made our exit and headed towards the evening out.

Once at the friends home, they greeted me with friendly smiles, warm hello’s and even a hug! I felt so welcomed!! The nervousness I had experienced anticipating the evening quickly dissipated! All were introduced, small chatter began and Mark stayed close by, but not hovering over. He and the host disappeared to chat with the editor while the hostess and I worked in the kitchen. The wife of our local wine editor joined in the kitchen fun as the three of us laughed and began to get to know one other. I had such a comfortable introduction to the friends and was thoroughly enjoying the evening! This is GREAT!! Mark took me outside to the pond to see the ducks and we engaged in more, small get to know you talks. Again, I was feeling really relaxed and at ease. He was making this so easy! And, that’s how it should be: life is complicated enough! Friends should compliment your life, not complicate it! Somehow he gets it!

As the wine tasting began with the appetizers prepared and dinner was beginning to be served, we all sat to the large table to enjoy. There was a passing of this, passing of that, here you share this, you share that…try this…try that! Some rhyme and reason, but all in all, it was a true sharing! So much my style! One flight of wine after another and all sharing thoughts of the clothed and hidden bottles, it was a night of pure fun! As I sat next to Mark at the table, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by his charm, understanding and knowledge of the wines, his courteousness and concern for me and my comfort. I was impressed. He made sure I understood some of the technique to proper tasting and did so in a non-condescending way, even describing different glasses and shapes to allow wines to breathe properly. I was learning so much about him, his style and demeanor as well as his consideration. He was interested in teaching me but more importantly sharing with me. It was great to see him with his friends and how he interacted, listening and sometimes adding. Without a doubt, I was having a great date for sure!

After dinner and the wine bottles exposed, we each laughed and acknowledged sometimes the most expensive bottle isn’t the one best enjoyed. Our new editor friend shared a few tips on wines that possibly could be nice and a good price, we were all enjoying the evening immensely. The bonus was seeing Mark and learning more about him in front of his friends; a cherry on the ice cream topped with lots of chocolate and plenty of whipped cream! Shortly after dinner and dessert, the wine couple left for the evening while Mark and I stayed to share in the bottle of wine I had brought over with the host and hostess. It was a delicious chocolate red wine blend from Holland served over ice. Truly scrumptious- not just delicious! That ol’ “truly scrumptious” song playing in my head from a childhood classic Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ”…when your with me, it’s so delicious...” We continued great conversation by the unlit fire in the great room with host and hostess. I listened intently to Mark and the host share their knowledge and enthusiasm for cycling and learned of the hostess and her career. The minutes and hours of the night seemed to have passed so quickly. Before I knew it, it was nearing midnight and we were saying our good bye’s and thanks to the hostess and host, complete with a light hug as we left.

Mark drove me to my home and politely walked me to the door. A quick offer to come in was accepted and we sat to talk a little more on the sofa in the main room. Not much of a night owl, I was beginning to fall victim to the wine and relaxed mood. Sensing my quick fading and not wanting to overstay his welcome, Mark bid farewell as he exited the front door. A good night kiss was granted and a true thanks for a great date experienced expressed! Wow! This was a wonderful evening and so much on my level of comfort and enjoyment. Yes, I would gladly accept another outing if asked! Much to be thankful for in remembering this one.

Note to all: Enjoy your thanksgiving weekend, where you are at at this moment and where you have been that lead you here today. Deep thought in closing out this post: "One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” Dale Carnegie

across the pond...

My lunch date number who knows what, but still counting was set. Mr. of the day was working in the area temporarily but wanted to meet a local girl and go from there. He had been divorced just under a year, three children, athletic and into politics/ government. I thought, well just try it out. I had never been to the lunch spot before and was curious of the first hand experience at a place I had heard about.

I arrived to meet my man of the hour choosing a small table on the veranda overlooking the river. Great spot!! It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon to enjoy the waterfront view, boats all about, and get to meet someone new. Once Ian and I decided on lunch and my ordering enough for three, I explained that lunch was my largest meal of the day. I continued to explain my routine of a smaller breakfast, large lunch and lite dinner. And, yes I did snack on fruit or yogurt & nuts during the day. I have a healthy diet…and no, I didn’t expect him to pay for my food. I was going to eat and not some small salad like some girls might!

Ian explained his foreign status and how he was working on a temporary assignment in the U.S. and eventually would be moving back to Europe with his three small children so they could be closer to their families. Radar…I’m not moving! I love my life here in Virginia Beach and doubt I am moving anywhere anytime soon. Three small children…hmmm…I have two children and am not ready to be a mom to three others anytime soon either. He explained how his wife left him with the three little ones and how being a single dad working is quite difficult, especially with the hours he has to put in. Well, I was sensing the need of a caretaker…not just for the kids, but for him too. I don’t think I’m that gal; I have enough to take care of with my own house & two kids.

As the food arrived I offered to share, but the offer was declined. So, I did what I normally would do…I ate! He picked at his plate of seared tuna and seaweed mix and we continued to talk. The conversation revolved around his impending move back to Europe, how life was so different in the U.S. and we aren’t nearly as simple as he had been led to believe. My patience meter was beginning to rise to red as he somewhat bashed the American dream and although I listened, admit it was half hearted. I set my sights on the sails along the water. The view and location were by far better than the company.

But, as us time conscious Americans are he went on, he had allotted only one hour and would have to get back to the office. He politely asked, could I do lunch again another day in the future? Well, maybe. I don’t think I’m what you are looking for, but why not? I gave my office number and email address. He said he would be in touch. It would be easy to filter the email and decide later.

Probably a week or more passed and an email request came in for lunch from Ian close to my office. Sure, I don’t have anything that day. So lunch date # 2 with Ian was made-technically not a one date wonder. We chose a trendy, yet favorite place for lunch with some of my favorite foods! Once there, he said he appreciated my meeting him again and felt we had a lot in common and a connection. Really? I didn’t think so. I only said yes to meeting you again because mom said I didn’t give you a chance. (Yes, I do listen to mom still on occasions! Was there a secret hint at a desire to take a European trip?)

As we sat at the bar area of one of my favorite lunch spots, I ordered an appetizer and a regular meal. He ordered a small salad again. When the food came, I offered just as before to share. He absolutely looked at me like I had cooties! Is this a “what not to do” in your country? I hadn’t planned on feeding you, just being polite and offering to share a sampling yet again of the variety of foods. Sensing this is a derailing train here, I began to enjoy my meal and couldn’t wait to get to my fortune cookie-certainly there would be some good news there! At some point during lunch, Ian made some snide comment after seeing him pick at his salad and my offering once more to give him some of mine “I’ve seen you eat lunch and thanks, but no thanks!” Well, that didn’t sit well with me! I have good table manners and I was taught to share and be considerate! Kindness, giving and patience are all virtues I think I possess but as told once before, yes..horns do hold up my halo!! And look out, buddy ol’ pal…my horns are coming through!!

I went back to mom’s little words of I didn’t give the guy a chance…here’s your chance, mister-make something good out of what you just said! But, it didn’t happen. He pulled out a shovel and began digging the biggest black hole imaginable! I felt like I was Forrest and Jenny was yelling at me..”Run, Forrest! Run!!” No sharing of food, no sharing of laughs, just stick a fork in me…this is done! I asked for the check, paid my bill and said a polite “nice to meet you, but please don’t call or email again.” And, that truly was it. I’m not moving across the pond, I’m not the nanny to be…good luck with that! In this case, mom, my instincts were right…so not worth the second try. But, you and I can take a trip to Europe another day!

"Holy" Art Thou...

Entering the realm of which way to turn after divorce and a great number of faulty first starts on the dating scene, I flicked my arrow and sought yet another round with the dating crew. Couldn’t decide whether to go up the ladder or back two spaces, I ventured into the round of unknown potentials but still counting..ding!ding! with my friendly dating service. Surely there had to be at least a few good dates out there. After all, why would someone pay so much to use their services? Interesting question-don’t answer that!! I mean, I had met some nice, well maybe not the right term, men. But, nope they didn’t make it past the first date. Wait…was it me and I didn’t make it past the first date? Maybe, now there’s something to ponder! Did I have too high of standards? Was I giving off some crazy leach vibe or maybe just a crazy girl vibe? Not sure, but either way I was ready to enter the ring again with nothing to lose and knowledge to gain of what I want and don’t want.

It was a Friday night, Fall just around the corner. The girls had phoned in a request: could I meet this lawyer at the trendy wine bar down from the office say seven thirty? According to my new best friends, he was divorced, early fifties, tall and handsome, successful practice and one child in college. He enjoyed the beach, golf, tennis, running and boating. Okay, I am up for it! Sounds like a plan! Friday night came and I had plenty of time to run home from the office, change into some comfortable but nice going out clothes and certainly no panty hose or heels! I even had time to really shower! Wow, I kind of like the meeting a bit later plan although it’s a bit different than my norm.

I arrived a bit fashionably late thanks to the traffic, but rushed through the door only to be thankful there wasn’t a tall, handsome lawyer like guy pacing the floor awaiting his date. Whew! He’s not here yet! So, I glanced around the room and saw this suited man seated at the darkened bar starring at me. Ewww creepy! I think I will sit at the other end of the bar and await my date who is probably late thanks to traffic too. At the other end of the bar, Mr. Creepy was still eerily starring me down as the bartender took my order. As my wine arrived and I glanced at the television to see Sam Choy’s Hawaiian cuisine show on the Food Network, Mr. Creepy ventured my way. Oh crap! This is not happening…my date is going to walk in any minute and you are going to be embarrassed or more than likely I will. Either way, shoe fly…go away!! But, nope he kept on coming, making his way to the bar chair next to mine. Without much hesitation he asked if I was “Trish” and friends with “Gina?” Oh no…my date is Mr. Creepy! I should have lied, but I didn’t. I answered honestly it was me. (Trish is not my real name.)

We talked pleasantries for the first few minutes as he brought his drink down towards my end of the bar and I couldn’t help but notice as he crossed his legs there was a hole in his sock. Okay, why I noticed I am not sure, but I did. As the ground work was laid as to his successful law practice and his three divorces, one child in college and his knowledge of who’s who of our community, I began to be even more turned off. He was dropping names and titles like flies and I was hoping the bartender would hand me her fly swatter and I could shoe him away-for real! Not going to happen. He asked my schedule and flexibility, specifically stating he was attracted to our near twenty year age difference (What? I thought he was early fifties?) Depending on my schedule, he could meet for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even a quick snack in between. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? YUCK! I think this guy was just hinting at a little afternoon delight, but would be willing to tango anytime and I don’t mean dance either! Gross!!

By now Sam Choy was becoming REALLY interesting to me. For those who have clued in thus far, I’m not a big television fan. But somehow I was drawn to the boob tube and wishing that fly swatter was in my right hand! As Mr. Creepy explained he was an avid runner and had gone home earlier, ran five miles, then headed out to meet me, I couldn’t help but go back to the darkened suit with the pair of socks and large hole. Who puts on a suit after an afternoon jog to go meet a young woman with holes in their sock? At least stop by Walmart and buy a $2.50 pair of gold toes for Pete’s sake!! Cut the guy some slack on the suit part chica, maybe he had a late day court case or something.

Mr. Creepy lawyer guy went on and on about his vacation house abroad, his many trips and how he would love a travel companion for weekend excursions. Before he could get to the part of inviting me down south, however, he did want to ask me a few questions. I was beginning to think a trial on Trish was about to begin. “Okay your honor, I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” with my right hand raised and left on THE book. Asked if I had a sense of faith and belief in a higher power, I answered yes. Do I attend church services regularly? Well, not exactly but often. Pleased with my open and honest answers, he asked about my church and shared his. Then, came the all important question of the evening dropped like an atom bomb in my lap: “Do you believe in premarital sex?” What? Did I just hear you correctly? Oh my! I think I did! Hmm…let me think about this one for a minute, dear sir. My response was a pretty good one if I do say so myself: “one can always pay for just about anything: a lawyer, an accountant, a maid, a nanny, and even a girl-but not this one!”

Sensing my edge and protective barrier raised, Mr. Creepy began to back peddle. He was apologizing for offending me and even offering a refill of my wine, which by this point I was ready to toss whatever was remaining in his face. If you have to ask the question, what is the fun of trying to find out, at least on this subject anyway? The ever time is precious and I am wasting it became quite apparent. The plane had taken a sharp nose dive and he was thinking “May day, May day the plane is going down…we are going to crash! Pull up! Pull up!” Nope, plan B in motion and I am out of here. Check please, no refill of my glass of wine, thanks but no thanks! I would like to say that it all ended there, but it didn’t.

Mr. Creepy paid for my drink and offered to walk me to my car since the sun had set and the parking garage would be dark. Well, that is kind of him. So I accepted the offer and we made our way toward the parking garage. I was nearly sprinting at a fast walkers pace with him politely trailing behind. Once at my car, he moved in for a good night kiss…oh my precious holy art thou Jesus no! Uuuggg! No freakin’ way! Yuck! That’s not happening, but it was. I think I spun my head around so fast one would think I was from that horror film of the 80’s. I jumped in my car faster than a bolt of lightening, closed the door and put it in drive. I couldn’t get out of the parking garage fast enough. I waved a polite goodbye and was gone like the wind under superman’s cape! No phone numbers exchanged, no good night nothings, whew it was over! Thank you, Lord!

All that glitters...

All dressed up from a long day of work and still a date to go, I ventured out to that familiar spot downtown which had become a new favorite. I was to meet a new guy for a quick drink and get to know you good time. The girls at the dating service clued me in on my date of the evening: tall, handsome, articulate, no children, never married, 6 foot 2 inches and about 185 pounds, not too skinny but not real athletic either and certainly no body fat. He was successful in his career but wanted to meet someone to enjoy some of life at the beach with and go from there, even liked yoga. Sounds great, so far so good!

I arrived as usual a bit early to freshen up and take my seat at the bar. A really nice man traveling on business was seated watching the game. I sat at the end of the bar and ordered a drink awaiting the arrival of Mr. Maybe or Perhaps. As minutes passed, the traveler began to strike up a conversation that was interesting. He had never been to the beach but traveled to the city often for quick business trips. What a shame! Having seen many beaches, I am partial to Virginia Beach, thanks to the beautiful boardwalk and many opportunities to enjoy good times courtesy of the free life blessings about. After learning his wife and three children might travel with him on his next visit, I shared my love of the beach and what a family place it could be for a vacation. While deeply entrenched in conversation with the business traveler, my date of the night walked in, a bit late but better late than never!

I knew it was him right away. He was tall and handsome just like the girls mentioned. He was wearing a nice pair of linen pants with an orange polo shirt and seemed quite casual but comfortable. That’s a plus sign already: relaxed and unpretentious by appearance. He came and stood on the side of the business traveler, glanced my way and calmly said: “Hey! Good to see you again! Mind if I join you?” Well, I was liking the style already. Of course I had never seen him before, but he didn’t want anyone else there to know that. (In fact later that night the bartender asked if we worked together…oops, fast forwarding.) Jim joined me at the end of the bar, sat next to the business man. We began our get to know you conversation after ordering a glass of wine, but the conversation was more on the lines of events of the day, work projects and events in the news, the sports playing out on the big screen.

The first hour was quite relaxing and conversationally adept on both sides. We each shared our jobs, what brought us to the area, where we lived, hobbies and so much more. Finally, get to the point by not wasting my time or yours me asked the ever important questions: do you take drugs, have children, want children, etc. All of which were answered honestly and openly with the response I was searching for and even with a sense of twisted humor tossed in. It was shaping up to be a great date for the first hour, so much so I decided I would like to order dinner and stay awhile. As fate might have it, he read my mind and asked if I would like to stay for dinner and move from the bar to a table. Why certainly!!

Dinner and a nice bottle of wine were ordered. The conversation continued mixed in with lots of laughs on dating, life, sports and all kinds of subjects mixed in. By far this was the best date in a long time the girls had set me up on. I think I may have found a match! He was easy to talk to, handsome, funny and there was a click, not chemistry but a relaxing enjoyment and ease about him. Maybe that salesman style was coming out a bit as we went through the night in conversation: he selling himself to me and I was buying, full price-forget the sale and savings, sign me up!!

As a few hours passed and dinner was done, we decided that given the work night and long day ahead, we should call it a night. A true gentleman, he offered to pay for the evening and walk me to my car. Easy and quick, we had both used valet service so that didn’t take long. Once at my car he opened the door and explained he had a good time. I agreed and offered my number. No, he didn’t ask…I offered. Hmmm…that was weird! But, maybe he just forgot and wanted to see where my interest was. Dismissed it and closed the door. Yeah! A good night, finally after quite some time! I enjoyed his company and he not an eye sore in the least; sure I would certainly do it again.

As he entered his car, motioned me to exit first and exclaiming he would follow to ensure my safety home; gentleman qualities appear again. Thanks girls!! Can I call this a great date? Maybe; it was fun and I would like to do it again so why not? As I drove towards my house he followed not too closely but close enough to allow me to know he was there. How sweet is that? Okay, here’s my exit: blinker on and a tap of my brakes. He flashed his bright lights, gave a friendly little toot of the horn as was off into the night. I went my way, he went his: never to be seen again! Yep, you are reading correctly-never saw the guy again, never heard from him, don’t even know his last name-really! Not wasting too much time trying to figure this one out, I can only say that he must not have been the glittering gold I thought he was.

the group outing...

Okay, having dealt one on one with many dating ventures, I joined a group of singles. It seemed somewhat appealing: you could engage in ballroom dancing, movie nights out and other events that you wouldn’t have to go alone…a group of other singles would be right there with you. Nearly perfect, I thought. Some of these things on the monthly calendar I might not try alone. How nice that a group would get together and you could mix and mingle, maybe even find a compatible companion or at least meet a new friend. Plus, the price was right for a trial period…I was broadening my horizons and taking a chance!

The first outing seemed innocuous, even somewhat interesting and in my comfort zone: a concert at the beach with a little dinner or appetizer prior. Great- I love the beach! For a nice summer’s night, it would be ideal…maybe. I decided to have a friend join me and we would go together. We took off for the night’s meeting spot and checked in. How would I know who’s who? Do we have a scarlet letter sewn in on someone’s chest? Nope! A colorful scarf--- close! As we checked in and sat at a table where already at least five others were, I began to feel a little out of place. Everyone was much older than I and definitely interested in dinner, not the concert and being outside. A few others found there way to the scarf table and began making one large group. By the time everyone who had RSVP’ed arrived, there was a good 25 or so singles in the group. Can’t judge a book by its cover, but I think the most we had in common was that we were single. As the conversations began to unfold, it became quite apparent to me that yes, that was about all we had in common.

Have you ever seen the movie American Gigilo? Well, it was kind of like that! I was Deuce and I was hanging out with the city’s tallest guy, shortest guy, the one that had more issues than all the pills manufactured could help, and almost everything in between! I was completely out of place! I was a “normal” girl with a good life, happy and just wanting to maybe meet someone to share laughs with and go from there. These folks didn’t know how to laugh…they were stuck in misery of regret and time had passed them by; they were resentful and seeking happiness within someone else instead of looking inside or even at the reflection in the mirror for their part in the play! It was beyond a crazy myriad of folks. But, looking for the silver lining in the situation, I realized that they too were like me: single and putting themselves out there in hopes of finding someone who would understand them, appreciate their special qualities and maybe even create something lasting even if just a friendship.

Outside I ventured, to the great ocean breeze awaiting the live band and a completely different set of normsl. My friend joined me and together we were contemplating the group; really not my speed, type or interest, but, nice, none the less. I did make a few business contacts, so it wasn’t a total loss. The food was good, but the company was a reminiscent of a “what not to do” in the future. The band was setting up and soon they would begin to play. Now the fun was just beginning! Many people began to gather and the crowd started to thicken. Opportunities began to arise and meeting others outside the group emerged. Okay, group thing not so bad. I got out of the house, beginning to come into my own and if it had not been for the group event, I wouldn’t be here. Thanks, group! The band was AWESOME! We danced quite a bit, listening to the live music while the waves crashed on the shore…or in Virginia Beach where there are no waves unless there’s a storm, they rolled in somewhat silently. But, the music was great and thankfully the other members of the group stayed inside or maybe even left for the night; I have no idea. Never saw most of them again.

A few hours into the night, with a couple of other single gals outside of the group joining us, the evening was shaping up to be more entertaining than I had imagined. No, I didn’t meet a guy that would remotely have a snow ball’s chance in hell for my attention, but I realized yet another thing: this single, dating life would be about putting myself out there and enjoying life, experiencing things maybe I wouldn’t have before. Sure I would have gone to an outdoor concert, maybe not that one or even by myself, but I was glad I did this one. We danced, laughed and shared stories of dating just as girls often do when out for the night. In the end, it was a blast! As I ventured to my car for the valet service later, I found gratitude in the experience. Learning more about myself than I thought I would and thankful for yet a night out to listen to the band at the beach! Being alone does have its advantages and if unable to spend the night with one someone special, at least you can enjoy the moment of where you are- with or without a guy or group: realizing more and more that happiness comes from within.

Time is on my side...

My new best friends called one day asking if I had some time to meet someone after work one night. Sure. Kids aren’t home this week, so why not? Didn’t really know much about the guy, only that he lived sometimes in my town and in another out of state, liked boating, travel, played tennis for his college, had no children, mid-forties, newly divorced and interested really in just meeting new people. Me too, on the last part at least, so I agreed.

I arrived a few minutes early to the wine bar and had a chance to zip into the ladies room and grab a table. As I saw this guy approaching, I thought…oh no, please do not let that be him. He was a Jack Nicholson look alike, could even be his twin-bad hair plugs and all! Yes, it was my date-much to my chagrin--unlucky me! As he came in dressed in his ridiculous silver and black jacket with jeans, he greeted me with a big bear hug. I honestly began to choke on his cologne- he must have taken a bath in it! Beyond over powering, was he hiding some terrible BO or smokers scent? Either way, I was so thankful that I was sitting across from this guy at a rather large table top for two rather than an intimate table for two all the way in the back!

As the waitress came over to give our menus and ask if we had been there before, both of us said yes. She asked if we knew what we would like to drink and I said I would like to try the Argentina chardonnay, if possible a glass only. He announced he would like “a cab.” Well, is that the yellow cab company? Do you have their number? This was a wine bar with more than two hundred different wines. He didn’t even look at the menu, which I had a chance to look at prior to his arriving and decide on a nice glass of wine. The waitress was a bit taken aback and looked at me for guidance, for which I had none. I didn’t know this guy and had no clue what he liked, disliked, preferred, or not; I was just as clueless as she was! Finally, she asked a few probing questions and she chose one for him.

As the waitress was off getting our glasses, he began to tell me all about his nasty divorce and how this week he was swamped with settling estate issues and was not happy it was all court ordered. I was lucky he could spare an evening out for drinks. He was busy dividing half of this, half of that. He was completely angry about places he use to go he no longer feels accepted, so called friends dropping like flies and choosing sides, etc. He was going on and on about his divorce, very discontent and even fair to say bitter about it all. But, he was thankful there were no kids involved. He should have seen it coming: a real gold digger his ex-wife was. After all, he had this and that and was worth this and should be more than fine with that, even if having to share for some years, court ordered of course. As fifteen minutes had probably passed by now, I realized I was ten minutes late for the door! Sticking to the dating service guidelines, I had committed to meet this guy for one hour. How am I going to stomach this? I have forty five minutes left and judging by the size of his watch, bigger than my phone, I could easily keep track of time and be done with this growing mistake!

Finally, the waitress returned with our drinks. I think I could have used a double by this point of a shot instead of a swanky glass of wine! Stick the iv in me, just to get me through the hour! Calgon or something take me away-please!! The waitress was quite nice, asking if we had a chance to look at the menu and would we like to order an appetizer? I suggested something quick and easy, a Mediterranean cheese platter with a possible prawn and mushroom bruscetta sauce to share. Great choice, as he agreed and continued dismissing the waitress to run off and prepare our goodies-chop chop, missy…I’m trying to score here! Once she left, he began to return to his miserable life, but had so much to offer someone: lives in a luxurious penthouse overlooking the city, flies routinely to ball games and has plenty of room on the plane for college buddies and friends, all of whom are financially secure and come from a long line of thoroughbreds and some of the best education in the country. Finally, a bit disgusted with all the “things” he was throwing out there to me, I mentioned one of my philosophies in life: the richest guy in the cemetery is just like everyone else there…he’s dead! Can’t take any of "it" with him, but goes out like he came: with nothing! Well, he wasn’t impressed with my philosophy one bit!

Then, he asked about my job and how I got involved in my work. I explained how I started, how I enjoyed it and just what an honor I feel to be paid to do something I love so much as each day is different. My job is what I consider a “paycheck of the heart.” What a load of crap, he thought; I could see it in his eyes! I could tell by his demeanor and his previous comments that he was all about the stuff in life and although he attended seminary and was a devout catholic, he was driven by the dollar and accumulating more and more. Life was a game to him, to conquer and settle deals, and according to him, he was quite good at the game! Winning was what he was happiest doing and then celebrating the nail in the coffin! Wow-I have a real winner on my hands here! Have at it, hot dog! Good for you! Life is too short, in my humble opinion, to chase a dollar bill! Another deep thought emerges on happiness yet again: happiness is in the journey of life, not the destination of job titles, excess bank accounts, fancy cars and clothes. Whew…got that out! But, just as before, he was so not impressed. We were by far, polar opposites on this one…and no, not the kind of “opposites attract” either-we were fundamentally opposite, wired completely different with no hope of balance!

Once our food arrived, I prepared a small plate for me and tried to explain the different cheeses and even the honey and other accompaniments for different flavors accenting the wines, both of ours. He grabbed the prawn dish with his bear like claws. I barely had a chance to get one before he was downing the remainder and nearly licking the sauce plate clean. It was utterly disgusting! For someone who had so much success, one would think he had more sense than that or at least better table manners and surely that big expensive, better than average education could have afforded some sort of knife and fork school. Nope, not this guy; he was a taker! No giving traits observed or spoken as of yet.

I had really spared about as much time as I could handle with this guy and it was not getting any better. In fact, it was becoming more and more obvious to both of us that we were wasting our time. Speaking of time, I was watching the minutes go by on that big watch of his from across the table. Barely before the hour limit, I decided to excuse myself and do the right thing: leave. I know we weren’t finished with the appetizers and I hadn’t finished my glass of wine, but I was done with this date for the night and this guy forever. I had plenty of time for the night to enjoy, but not with this winner. I thanked him for his time, but explained I needed to go and relieve my sitter. Oh, that’s right, I don’t have one; kids are out of town, but he didn’t know that! I left the posh wine bar and went home to have my own glass poolside. When certain time is being wasted, check out- you never know what tomorrow will bring! Thankfully time truly is on my side!

Great Date Number One...

By now you are probably thinking: does this chic have any good dating stories to share. Well, yes I do. They are called “Great Dates” in my mental dictionary. But, they have been few and far wedged in between the many flops.

For a gal who truly wasn’t use to trying to fill up every other weekend without the kids, I tried to engage in all sorts of activities and invitations. I took up tennis lessons despite the twenty year golf swing, learned to enjoy the near sexual climactic experience of Hot Yoga, try my hand at pool in the smoky biker bar, sing karaoke, and even took a few road trips alone for wine tastings, museums and other weekend excursions. But, I always came home to wondering when and where the next date might be, who it would be with and just continued putting myself out in the playing field-no not left field! And, when or where would that first real good experience take place, if ever.

One night I actually was double booked on a Saturday. My girlfriend of many years, Sally, was having an end of summer party at her place and another dear friend was turning 50 and having a huge celebration-both on the same night. What to do? I decided to plan a showing at Sally’s place, certain she would understand having to duck out early for a once in a lifetime party for Mike. At Sally’s place, the catered party was an absolute scene of pure fun! There were no fewer than 50 people, most of whom I had either seen around town or never seen before in my life- a great mixing place! As Sally and I shared many laughs over losing the “bottom” of her disposable wine glass, in walked a pure out of heavens holy shit, hot and spicy guy! I was certainly attracted, like Janet Jackson’s “…moth to a flame…” vision. Not sure if it was the wine kicking in or something else, I disappeared outdoors to take a breath of fresh air on the deck.

Much to my surprise, the hot and spicy one appeared and actually ventured my way for a conversation starter. To say he “had me from hello” is an understatement. He actually got me by asking if I had children and what their names were. Not how old they were, not their ages, but their names. Quite different already! Scoring brownie points with me and not even realizing it. As we talked a little more, it was as if everyone else disappeared. I know there were a lot of people there, but somehow they blank from my memory even to this day and it was as if the two of us were dancing a silhouette of circles, in conversation and comfort never experienced. Then, out of the blue, I remembered the 50th Birthday party. SHIT! I felt like Cinderella having to leave the ball: my chariot was going to turn into a pumpkin and I had truly somewhere I needed to be. But, I did leave my glass slipper: aka my phone number. As I drove away, I sent a quick text: “if you call, I will answer.” Surely this guy gets all kinds of numbers and I wanted him to know, I was really interested, just had a previous engagement to attend.

Once at Mike’s place, I enjoyed running into really old friends from college days 20 years before. Mike is the spouse of my ex-husbands sorority girl thing in college. I hadn’t seen any of them since my divorce and to say some of the conversations were awkward is yet another understatement for the night. But, the “…it’s a small world after all…” is a truth separated by only six degrees cannot ring truer than the Liberty Bell! As many of us caught up over the 15 years plus and many miles apart since college days, we shared a few drinks poolside and lots of laughs! By nearly two o’clock I was driving a drunken college mate to his place as a pseudo taxi and crashing in my bed, dreaming of the hot and spicy one I had met earlier that evening.

After the three day rule, he called. Our first conversation lasted more than an hour and flowed just as smoothly as waters in a calm stream. He was just as easy to talk to as that first encounter, even politely asking the appropriate time to call, since he knew I was a single mom and the kids were with me during the week of both school and work. He asked me out for Saturday and I accepted. We talked a few other times prior and I truly felt a connection unlike before. I was more than excited for this date. I had seen him, talked to him, felt something so different and just knew the date was going to be a good one; no idea it would turn out to be a great one! (Oh, stepping forward just a bit!)

Saturday morning arrived and I had several mandatory fun time appointments…aka work functions to attend. Duty called prior to play. So, I filled my void with both work and sprinkled in some time to catch my college team score at Best Buy. While cruising the aisle at my local Best Buy, I got a “bling” notice: text message of half time score from the hot and spicy one. Get out!! Gold Star moment! This guy just sent me the half time report of “my team”! Without a doubt, I knew the evening was getting off to a great start! I picked up a nice bottle of wine and headed to meet him at his place, promising only to ring the doorbell, but prepared just in case he invited me in. which, he did. We shared some wine and chatted with a few other folks there to watch the sunset on the horizon before dinner. As others prepared on their way out, we decided to take my SUV for dinner, since I had accidentally “blocked” him in when I parked. Believe it or not, that’s a control issue for me and no one usually drives my car. But, for whatever reason, I let go of control and let him drive the others to their destination in my SUV. As we drove his friends to their destination, he slid his hand on mine. I cannot tell you of how I felt, only to know that my night was freakin’ awesome already and it had just begun! There was a sort of electric calm in his touch. I felt as if I was the dog riding shot-gun, tail wagging and tongue hanging out in the wind…for real!

Once at the restaurant for dinner, I felt so far away from this guy even though the table was a small, intimate setting for two nestled away from the crowd. As I sat across from him, I seemed more distant but truly wanted to get closer. I asked if I could sit beside him and he agreed. We enjoyed our wine, great food and just really flowing through conversation like it was water flowing from the mountain tops, a constant steady stream with ease. After dinner and the night being young, despite my plan( b) of escape, I wanted time to stand still. There was some sort of magical chemistry and connection that I cannot explain. So, we decided to sit at the beach on a blanket and watch the storm roll in just North. It was shaping up to be the best first date of my life! It might have been the longest too…as I didn’t leave until the next day-oh, moving forward a bit too fast.

Read what you want to into it, but without a doubt it was truly a GREAT date!! And, one I will treasure and think of probably for a long time to come, possibly the rest of my life! My thoughts of the day were simple: what am I going to do for fun today? Not try to be in control, but let life happen! Wow! Was I ever amazed-the stars and all were aligned just right! Here I was sharing the night with a hot and spicy guy who not only was rocking my world, but touching every sense out there: mind, body and soul! Lucky me!!

The next morning I woke to find myself having to get “back to life, back to reality”-another song excerpt from those good ol’ eighty days! I was picking my kids up just after 2pm and had to resume the mommy role of responsibility. But, damn, did I have a good night or what? I know life isn’t supposed to be fairy tale, but this was as close to perfect as I could have imagined without even trying! Filled with gold stars, blue diamonds twinkling in the night sky, and d) all of the above! Wow! All I can say is that without a doubt, this date was what dreams are made of! It was not only the best first date…it was the longest! Great date number one had happened naturally and it was so much better than I ever could have imagined or planned out.

So you gotta car...

After an earlier yet disastrous first date and my walk out, I met this guy Richard who, for whatever reason, decided to hone in on me like a missile on a target getting ready to blow up at a locals beach pub. We talked on and off through the night, as I mingled and he continued to always come back to me. Eventually he cut to the chase, asking for my number. What the heck…I know I don’t know him and just met him, but if I were to experience this dating thing after divorce, I would need to take some risks and see where it goes. He looked decent enough, wearing a pair of jeans and a white shirt of some blend with a casual look, but maybe even a bit of flair with an onyx ring on the right hand. I don’t know many guys sporting rings other than college rings, but this one was different and certainly noticeable.

A few days later, an unknown number called my cell phone. I decided not to answer it but send to voice mail. Later that night, I checked my messages to hear Richard saying he enjoyed meeting me and would like me to call him back. It was a simple, but to the point message. I didn’t return the call until the next day, only to hear he was not available to talk but asked if he could call back later. Sure, whatever. Wasn’t holding my asthmatic breath, but if he called, I would probably answer now that I know who the number belongs to. Later that night he called and we talked real briefly. He asked me out for the Friday night upcoming and I agreed. This was not as hard as I thought, meeting guys and going out thing. Mom was right, I can do this!

Friday came and he offered to pick me up. Well, I have this rule about people coming to my house and picking me up: it’s just a “what not to do” for me. I don’t like people to know where I live, subjecting my children in any way to potential dates or even letting them know I am dating around. Their welfare and protection is my top priority. My private life is VERY private and any dates just aren’t welcome until I get to know them. My philosophy has always been: if someone wants to screw me over, I’m an adult and can handle it, but my kids…no way! Oops, got off track; back to the date! So, we met at a meeting place midway and decided to go in his car.

His car…oh my! I wasn’t even sure what it was other than white with four wheels, but knew just by design it was n..i..c..e! When I entered the passenger side, the interior was suede, soft leather and absolutely immaculate. As we started out towards the restaurant, it began to rain. Richard was telling me all about his car. It was a real sports car, custom designed and ordered for him, only a few on the East Coast like it. He explains he is a real car enthusiast and spends most of his free time and money playing with his car, cleaning it and continuing to customize it. Even has had it featured in a few magazines and just is overjoyed by it’s power. I confess, although not catholic as mentioned before, it really was impressive! As he shifted gears from the red light, we took off like a rocket! We were at 86 miles per hour in just two blocks! Wow! It was crazy! Plus, it was luxury nice! Then he shared the price…holy crap, Batman! That’s almost three times my annual salary!!

We arrived at the restaurant and by now the rain was coming down harder than before. He began to freak out about how he couldn’t believe he had his car out in this weather. It’s just a car, I was thinking. No, it was not just a car in his eyes. This was his baby, his pride and joy! And, she was getting water spots, rain debris and dirt splashes from the road. I'm thinking this is a little freaky, but we all have our passions, or obsessions, right? Dinner was nice, but the conversation totally revolved around his car. How he had spent x amount of dollars on trading out the tires and custom hub caps, even the little center emblem of the tires was changed out. I didn’t really understand any of it, except that it costs a lot and that’s where he spends most of his time, tinkering with “her” in the evening hours. Well, that’s not such a bad hobby, I guess. Every body has their thing and this is his. No kids to shuffle to and from sports events, work functions, but a hobby of making sure the car is clean and just as it came off the showroom or production floor. Things could be worse, right? His hobby could be 12 oz. curls and a bar; plus, he could drive a beat up Chevy with a bungee cord holding the passenger door on!

After dinner, he decided we might want to drive to an outdoor bar/ band area to enjoy the beach or at least go dancing and hang out. But, wait, it was raining still…remember? As I got into the car, he cringed…out loud I heard him say, “There’s dirt on my floor mats!” Of course there’s dirt! I walked across the parking lot and got in; I don’t have wings and certainly can’t fly-I have two legs and I walk! Neither did I take off my shoes to enter the car as the sign in Hawaii at the door to friends home suggested “Mahalo for removing your shoes!” It was a car and I stepped in to sit and go to the next place. Nope…I had brought dirt in. Oh, crap! Now, I’m in trouble. As he is trying to brush the dirt off, with rain still pouring down, I couldn’t help but think he was for sure neurotic about his car and too much so for me. I take good care of my car, a nice one at that, but I am not obsessive about it. I tote the kids to and from their events, toss work stuff and golf clubs in the back, no weird smell inside and no leftover Mickey D’s or coffee cups floating about. Every now and then I clean it myself and can be somewhat OCD about getting the stray dog hair out of the carpet or dirt from the all weather mats. But, not like this. Why bring the car out if you know it’s going to rain and you aren’t going to be comfortable with this?

So, I asked if he would just take me to my car and we would call it a night. He announced he really didn’t want to drive all the way across town to where my car was parked. He didn’t want to get his car any dirtier than it already was in the rain. Finally, his idea unfolded and was verbalized: “you can just stay at my place and I will take you back in the morning.” What kind of girl do you think I am? I just met you and…no..I’m not staying at your place! Well, he continued to come up with brilliant plans: I could just sleep on the couch or he would even give up his bed. “Don’t you want to be my girlfriend?” he asked. I quickly answered a big fat “No! I just met you and I’m not so sure I even like you!-for real!!” Dig deeper, buddy! I just want to go home to my house and that hole you are digging is getting deeper and deeper the more you talk! And by the way, no you aren’t invited to my house either! You can sleep with your car tonight and for the rest of your life, as far as I’m concerned.

I pressed even harder: take me to my car, or be a real man maybe for once in your life, or at least a gentleman, and call me a taxi. Your choice, but either way, I am going home-to my house and alone! After much deliberation, and seeing that I was really over the whole car thing and not going to do anything with him tonight or ever, he drove me to my car. I said a quick good-night, waved a polite “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya” good bye, got in my rain soaked car, shoes on and all weather mats on the floor. Oh the comfort of my car-I’m back in the driver’s seat! I'm a pretty simple girl and as the song goes: ..."so you gotta car...that don't impress me much! Oh, no, no!! ....and that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night..." For sure!!

Just Fabulous!

It’s mid summer now and having experienced quite a few “one date wonders” I am now in search of the one that truly turns into two. A friend of mine, similar story married long time, divorced and single mom, had a wonderful love story of how she meet her now husband on line-first date! No, really! They are now expecting their first child and it all started on line and a one date that has turned into a near fairy tale! Good for them, truly! I am happy she is happy-now, spread that luck of love on me, girlie!

I posted my profile up on a dating website just for kicks, and a few possibilities. It took a while to post what I perceived as being honest and true, not a virtual me: a) my hobbies are: anything outside; easy! b) my last read: horoscope for fun! c) my favorite city/ travel spot: Paris, France and Sorrento, Italy…oh, hope to go to Greece one day soon! Next, the hard part: tell us a little about yourself and what you are looking for in five hundred words or less. By now you can probably tell I could talk to a brick wall and think it would answer. But, I did it and added some photos...hit submit and viola-I was accepted! (Not sure anyone gets turned down, but I was up for full viewing!)

The first week I was like fresh meat hanging in the market place. Flies and freaks were hitting my site like tomorrow was not a given. I gained a second, non paying job that week trying to filter through the 600+ hits, posted notes, emails, etc. Okay, girl-you need to come up with parameters, you are too broad; everyone thinks you fit what they are looking for or is interested; profile-edit time! So, keeping it short and simple I added: if you don’t post a photo, not responding! Whew! Easier than I thought! And, I stuck to that one!

There were a few back and forth messages in the weeks to come with a few prospects or potentials. A few phone numbers given and taken, a few conversations as well with nothing else to follow….until Paul. Over the next week or so, Paul and I exchanged snipits of life on the site, a few laughs out loud (LOL) and LMFAO's (laughing my freakin’ aspradilla off)-yeah, I know what it really means! Then came the real ask: “Can I call you?” was the tagline. Hmmm…let me think about this one. Not sure why I am hesitating, but let me look at the picture again. Oh, right, there’s the surfboard in front of him, maybe a “baby” hiding behind it. Girls, you know what I’m talking about! Some guys look as if they are “due” any day now! Everything else could be bird-like thin, but there’s a baby due thanks to the weight distribution of maybe a few beers too many! Taking a chance, not being “Chicken Mom” as my children call me, I agreed via email to give my number to Paul.

Not even an hour went by and my unknown ringtone was playing. I answered to hear a deep southern drawl and it was Paul. Being a pretty good conversationalist myself, we talked about this and that for quite some time. This was easy! I learned about his son, his coaching and his job- all simple, ordinary life stuff. A few phone calls later, Paul asked me out for Saturday night. Well, that’s a good sign: if a guy is interested, he’s going to ask for the coveted weekend time to share! Not having the kids that weekend or any other plans, I said yes. We agreed to meet at the beach, a quaint on the water restaurant near sunset time so the view and atmosphere would be just as nice as the company. I received a few text messages throughout the day: “excited about tonight”, “I’ll be wearing a burgundy shirt”, etc. Then, I remember the surf board. I returned a text asking “do you look like your picture?” and received a response: “yes” simple as that. “Me too” I replied. Whew! Got that out of the way! Bling-incoming: “Stepped on the scale this morning and weighed in at 215.” What? Was that before or after the morning BM? I’m only 135...visions of bird legs and a baby on the way are returning! As well as that “fatty and skinny went to bed, fatty rolled over and skinny was dead!” childhood song running through my head!

Out to the restaurant I go. I valet my car and calmly walk in through the outdoor. Anybody who was anybody could probably see I was yet again anxious. There before me, dressed in a burgundy shirt was tall Paul. I say tall Paul because he was maybe 6’5” and when you are 5’5” you kind of are looking up the whole time talking or he is looking down. Anyway, the conversationalist in both of us came out. I ordered a rum and coke with a lime while he was already starting on a Martini. Reverse drink orders here, I know. Then, Paul took the lead in conversation wildly explaining with much enthusiasm accompanied by Italian style arm movements and hand gestures of his, and I quote “FABULOUS” day. There was a “twist” in his style and mannerisms that were a little “different” but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. So, I listened and observed more…my gaydar was up-what little I had! Plus, he used that buzz word-all my gay friends tell me that is THE word!

I excused myself to the restroom before the table was ready and as I sat on the toilet contemplating my “date” I sent a quick text to my girlfriend Kelly…”call me n 15…date is gay?” As I returned to the bar area, Paul announced our table was ready. As we sat waterside to see the somewhat sunset, he ordered another Martini and asked if I wanted another drink as well. Feeling, I may need it for sure before this night is over, I said yes. By now in the dating cycle of my life, I’m growing a little stronger and getting some preliminaries out of the way that first date. Our conversation was still going pretty good, but there was still something not right. So, as the waitress is bringing the appetizer out I calmly said: “I have a quick question for you: do you date women only?” You should have seen the look in his face: a real deer in headlights look followed by a “what do you mean?” I said, “well, do you date men too or just women or both?” His response was “I’m a coach and a dad.” By this time , I'm on "three strikes, you’re out!" Plus, I wanted to scream “Answer the FREAKIN’ question, buddy!” But, I was saved by the bell…

The familiar sound of Kelly’s sweet ringtone was ringing in ever so perfectly! “What?” I asked, “Are you serious?” Without knowing what was going on, Kelly said “Is everything okay?” I responded, “OMG are you hurt? Where are you? Do you need me to come get you? I’m at the oceanfront! Leaving right now! Call the police and don’t let that other car leave! Get insurance numbers….everything!” Kelly, still clueless, was asking “what is going on?” Meanwhile, Paul chimed in…”I’ll go with you!” Like hell you, I am out of here! Check please!" No, I’m not catholic, but I confess, I did walk out! Yes, I answered honestly the next day about leaving and there was no point in any correspondence. I'm that 2 year old in the sandbox that thinks: what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine...I don't share! Just one “Fabulous” night that didn’t end there, but that’s another story to share later!

Older and wiser...

Back on the playing field I go. Ready or not dating world, here I come! I took a few dates here and there, none beyond the one date wonder thing and only to find more interesting stories to share.

One day a friend of a friend invited me to a political function. Knowing I had spent the last twenty years in somewhat of a political behind the scenes life being active in all areas: local, state and national politics. My interest was peaked to meet a new and up and coming local political figure, to put it mildly. The hostess was one I had known both casually as well as through work, so I was comfortable going solo to the evening gathering just as I do to most anything. It was a private, by invitation only night, so I knew the caliber of folks attending would be on at least some level the same as mine. And, I was not the least bit surprised: all attendees were conversationally adept and interested in not only bettering their local community, but learning how they could be an integral part of making the lives of others better. I met many new folks, but one in particular paid a special interest in me.

Alex was on the board of a local development group and private business owner. Being on a local board myself for community development, I was interested in his take on the current economic plans, redevelopment initiatives and just overall perspective of the community. We exchanged business cards and he promised to call. Although Alex was much older than I, probably a good twenty-five years or so, I thought to myself this could be an interesting friendship and sharing, networking and becoming yet more involved in what I thought was important. Alex called multiple times over the next few weeks and each time I was impressed with his knowledge of our local community and how our little corner of the world played a role in the greater scheme of life outside. When he invited me to attend a once a month meeting and social of a select group of movers and shakers, I agreed.

I wore the traditional black pant suit and arrived on time, maybe even a bit fashionably late. I didn’t want to interrupt any real business, but wanted to meet and greet those in the group. Alex immediately came to me as I entered the room and nestled me into a corner spot with two chairs, open to viewing all. But, without my realizing it, Alex was standing in front of me, shielding me from all the others. He ordered drinks for us and continued to guard me. One by one as others tried to enter the “safe zone” I had not accomplished anything I set out to do: meet others! Alex talked briefly of who’s who, pointing them out politely, but never introduced me to any of them, only hiding me in the corner. After nearly an hour of this, what I considered bull shit, bee shit or horse shit, I was ready to leave. Alex announced that he was ready to grab a bite to eat and a few were heading out to a different spot, could I join them? Why, yes…maybe, just maybe I could meet someone and see what might be, where their thoughts were and get possibly involved.

We entered location number two for the night: small tapas bar downtown and sat at the bar area, while two others joined us from the original spot. Finally I was actually meeting some others! He ordered a full on meal size of tapas while I said I would just pick from his, if okay. He said sure and ordered a nice wine to accompany. The two others quickly disappeared when the food arrived and it was just the two of us. Well, there were others in the bar, but not in our group of now two at the bar. As Alex devoured the tapas, he asked out of the blue: “So where do you see us?” Not sure what he was asking or if he had been drinking long before I showed up, I said, “What do you mean?” He calmly, without a beat, said…”you know, us?” By then, my radar had honed in on, “Houston, we have a problem.” And, I calmly said, “Oh, we are friends.” I had barely gotten the words off my tongue when he LOUDLY and with much elongation, exclaimed, “FRRRIEEENDDSSS!” Well, I could have crawled under the freakin’ bar at this point, because every single head in that tapas bar turned towards us! Not knowing exactly what to do to calm the situation, I tried to explain that I thought we were meeting to have him introduce me to others and get my involvement for future projects; he’s like my father’s age and that’s just not something I am into. I kept trying to explain as best I could and as calmly without trying to add fuel to the fire that he’s a nice guy, but just too old for me and what I was looking for in dating someone.

Obviously that world traveler, but not worldly side of me was blind sided! Alex was thinking otherwise! Where did that come from? No clue! But, it got worse…without a doubt! Alex proceeded to verbally share all his talents with me. No, not the kind that he plays the violin or is an acclaimed pianist and has produced several cd’s and toured Europe in his youth. The kind of talents that leave a girl thinking: why is he telling me this? Isn’t half the fun experiencing it verses telling someone? What one girl likes, the other may think is freaky or downright weird. Plus, I am a good twenty five years or so younger than him…yuck! That’s like thinking of me and my dad-sick! Not going to happen! Oh my God, I have to get out of here! But, you guessed it, he kept going on. I have no idea what was going through his big or little head; either way, I was SO not interested! Without much hesitation as he rambled on, I decided: “Check please!” And did a disappearing act even Houdini himself would be impressed by! Walked away realizing, older does not mean wiser but only more skeletons in the closet and probably more cooties than I care to deal with!

the doctor is in...

By now my new best friends at the dating service were helping me out and setting me up on as many dates as I would take: lunch here, dinner there, drinks after work. I would even be open for a quick coffee if that’s what would work best for the guy. (Notice a little giving trait here-personality flaw or feather…you decide.) I just wanted to experience dating. So much had changed in the last twenty years and despite many one date’s, I was determined to keep going. One Friday night I had a work/ community function to attend. The art exhibit was a private showing featuring a local artist in which proceeds would be donated to a local charity. So up my alley and interest level! One problem, the dating service called and there’s a doctor looking at Friday night after work drinks, could I squeeze them both in? Well, why yes I can!

I showed up just a little early to the little bar/ restaurant downtown and did a quick rush to the ladies room to freshen up after working all day. When I came out, my date had arrived; he was medium built and Italian looking features and handsome, but not stop a train G Q quality either. He introduced himself as Rob and we set foot towards a little booth in the back corner. We each ordered a glass of wine and a quick appetizer to share. He was really easy to talk to, although I think he was a bit more nervous than I. After all, I was getting use to interviewing as well as being interviewed at this point. We each took turns explaining simple things: hobbies, interests, travel, etc. Then, he asked if I knew he was a doctor and I said yes. Our conversation turned somewhat medical, but not the least bit boring to me. For my job, I am around physicians, surgeons, patients and families often in a medical crisis. I am comfortable in the medical arena- to a certain point, minus any blood and guts stories. I listened intently as he described the specifics of his job. It truly was interesting. You can call me a geek, but I like numbers, which is probably why statistics and math were some of my more fun subjects in school and he was happy to share numbers and more statistics.

Before I knew it, that one hour time slot was almost over and the art exhibit was about to begin. Because of the content, I thought he might just enjoy seeing that side of medicine outside of the numbers and the office or hospital. He was, how shall I say it? …like an eager beaver on a log in the lake! We decided to take my car-a control thing for me, and he could ride along. Once at the art exhibit, where the liquor and wine as well as the heavy appetizers were complimentary, he handed me a glass of wine and had a few himself. Because I was “working the room” and saying my hello’s after promising just an hour, I truly lost track of him and his location at the exhibit. The exhibit wasn’t huge, but there were probably a good 100 people or so there for the two floors. Probably because I am so use to attending these types of events or functions solo, I wasn’t too attentive in all honesty to him. After almost an hour, he came to me and announced he was ready to leave and get some real food. As we walked out from the exhibit, he said he wanted to drive to a place across town. Well, I was sensing a tad difference in his gait and thought he might even be a little intoxicated. We were walking to my car and he grabbed my hand to hold…wait just a minute, friend! Hold it, right there…I’m not ready for that!

We arrived at a small restaurant downtown, against his desire to go clear across town, but really close to our original meeting spot. When we sat at the table, before the waitress even had a chance to go over specials or anything, he ordered a bottle of “the nicest red wine you have for my lady friend and me to share.” RADAR! Mayday, I think we are getting ready to crash! But, dismissed the hypersensitivity side as, well, that could be nice to share. He ordered a real meal, meat and potatoes with a salad while I ordered a light fish smaller portioned meal. As the meal was being prepped in the kitchen, we continued small talk and he drank one after another glass of wine. I had barely finished my first glass and he was already on his third when our food arrived. By this time, I had truly honed in to the fact he was indeed intoxicated and I was sharing my night with a nervous and probable man who had some issues with at least alcohol, maybe more. Then, out of some strange, neurotic twist he started to shove a bite of his steak towards my mouth. Oh no way! You are not feeding me or even trying to! That only happens when you love someone and you are sweetly sharing…not like this! But, he was…and I turned away.

Then, I heard the melodious sounds of Bocelli playing in the background. Trying desperately to change an awkward moment into something…anything, I asked if he knew who was singing. He did and I asked if he understood what Bocelli was singing in Italian. Well, to my surprise he did, affirming that first impression of Italian features. Having spent almost five years living in Italy, I understood most of what was being sung and asked, “Ti parla italiano?” (Do you speak Italian?) and with a look of love and wonder, he said, “ma certo, Roberto mi chiama.” (But of course, my name is Robert-in italian). So our conversation turned to Italy and his parents having emigrated from Sicily, coincidentally where I had lived. I thought maybe things might turn around. Nope, not that lucky because he announced that his parents were now living in New York and “they are going to love you!” What did you say? Did you just they “they are going to love you?” Why, yes you did! I know my ears did not deceive me and as he leaned over to kiss me, I said, “I think it’s time for me to go.” I’m pretty sure we sat in almost silence until the waitress came. He polished off the remainder of the wine, paid for the meal and I was doing the fast walk race to my car, with him trailing behind.

As we drove on to meeting place number one, I honestly was going at least ten miles over the posted 15 limit for the city and praying not to be pulled over by one of those little cop cars with two wheels and a helmet policing the city streets at night. I don’t need that too tonight! I have had about all I can handle for the Friday! Lord, my plate is full-no more mashed potatoes please! I can’t remember anything he said as I drove to the original meeting place. I know I was thinking the seconds seemed like hours and the minutes were like days. He did explain that he parked in the parking garage as we were getting closer. Too freakin’ bad, buddy, your ass is getting kicked to the curb, literally. Out he went onto the side street as I waved good-bye and good riddance! Way too much for me on this night-or wait, better to say he had too much! I'm sure we've all heard they old saying: the doctor is “in” but for me, this doctor was “out!”