Date One: For Real…
My first date-after nearly 20 years: All I knew from the dating service was that he was six feet tall, 2 inches, about 185 pounds. Brown hair and blue eyes (like me). Recently divorced (like me). Had 3 children and enjoyed boating, tennis, traveling and keeping in shape. Was a professional and desired someone of the same caliber. That’s me!! With exception to tennis-golf is my thing! But, hey, we don’t have to share EVERYTHING in common, right?
The girls in my office directed me on what to wear the night before. Rule #1: No pantyhose! But, a cute black skirt, a nice colorful top and those sexy black shoes were a must! So, I followed their advice, laid everything out the night before and even sprinkled lavender on my pillow for a good night’s rest. Tomorrow would be the big day.
I woke thinking: this is going to be great! My prince charming was going to waltz in on the first date, knight in shining armor and I’ll be swept away-love at first sight. It’s every girls’ fantasies! We want to be rescued from the chaotic life we call normal. He will arrive and make it better-kiss away the pain and be sexy too! Tall, dark and handsome-that real dream guy! I had it all in my head! I don’t think I slept a wink, but was a good nervous, until morning arrived and getting dressed had to happen. So, I put on that cute little black skirt-compact cotton suit with the bright pink v-shaped top. Added a little glitter to the chest and my South China Sea pearls for a touch of elegance, even for lunch. Final touch: those spicy black Cole-Hahn shoes and I was good to go! Yippy- skippy! Ready or not prince charming, here I come!
The location was pre-arranged at a spot I had never been to. I looked over the lunch menu on line and was confident a nice Greek salad would do. I felt like a virgin in the whore-house….completely out of place and super nervous. But hey, this is a new experience and I am up for it! I arrived a bit early so I sat at the bar, drinking water with lemon. I curiously peered at each man approaching the meeting spot. “Is that him? No! Thank God!” One by one, men came and went, some I thought…”maybe...” “Oh, I hope not.” Maybe?” But, then he arrived. Strolling across the brick paved parkway and fountains with a confidence. I was immediately attracted to him, despite the cheesy sunglasses that were bigger than necessary for any day of sun. Dressed in a suit and walking tall-of course, he’s 6’2”, he walked in through the glass doors. He looked all the part of prince charming! We greeted each other with a polite “hello” and quick hand shake. (Are we doing business here?-Did I miss something? We checked in and sat at a table set aside for us.
Wow! He is a prince charming! Waltzed right in with confidence and dressed impeccably. He obviously is confident, smart and probably very successful. The suit is professionally cut, shoes to match (brown with blue pin stripes and a flattering-to match the eyes, light blue shirt) and not a hair out of place. Although I look like I have it together, this guy definitely does! He took the lead, following the wait staff to our cozy table in the back; like an unsure puppy, I am following. I am a nervous wreck. Normally steady on my feet, I am a bit shaky and palms sweating! Good thing I wore that sleeveless top! I think sweat was rolling down my underarms!
Shortly after being seated, he excused himself to the restroom to wash his hands….
Oh…get out! He is ducking out the back door- for real! What? Say it isn’t so! I’m cute…brown hair, blue eyes, smart, got a good job with a 401 (K), health benefits and savings…I have no physical disfigurements: two arms, two legs, physically fit and wearing a skirt-for Pete’s sake! My eyes blink at the same time and at a normal time interval. I usually wear pants!! What is going on? You can only imagine: my mind is racing. What did I say? Does he not like black? Reminds him of the funeral last week? Hot pink isn’t his favorite color? Holy crap Bat man! I’ve just been ditched on the first date and I barely even had a chance to say hello!
For real…this was my first experience after nearly 20 years of dating! I paid almost $2000 for this dating service and my first date was an absolute walk out! Never saw the guy again! He went to wash his hands and washed his hands of me! We never even got down and dirty in any way, shape or form! So not what I thought!! It lasted all of maybe ten minutes and I think I said maybe ten words- “Hi, my name is…” etc.! I sat there eating my salad and thinking, “surely this is not happening”…but it was and did! But, the salad was good: feta over mixed greens and not too much with the most delicious summer, ripe tomatoes. And, reasonably priced-a bonus!
Talk about trying to regroup after that one! When I got back to the office, everyone was dying to know how it went. I laughed it off, said he got an important phone call and had to leave. Sure…he had to be rescued! Why? I cannot answer that. Talk about sending a girl into a tail spin, readdressing all kinds of things. First date an absolute flop; beyond words of flop-still trying to find the words to fit that one and it’s been well over a year and many other dates since! Hence, the book!
So, let’s try to figure out date one: Maybe, just maybe, it was written all over my face the expectation of prince charming waltzing into my life on that Wednesday. Maybe, just maybe, I was too stunning for lunch! (See that high sense of humor and silver lining thing!) Or, could it be that while in the bathroom he received an emergency text message or phone call that had to be taken care of right away, without even a “good-bye, thanks for the appointment, but gotta’ go!” I will never know. But, I go back to those words of encouragement my parents always shared: when something bizarre happens with another person, it’s usually something in them, not you! Thanks, mom and dad! Whatever the case may be, I left that date in my sharp, black, compact cotton suit with those sexy shoes on determined to get out there and do it again! For better or worse experiences in dating, if I were to experience anything, I would have to pick myself up and try, try again! Here come those parental words of encouragement, just like mom calling when I was training for my first marathon (with a crazy southern accent): “You can do it!!”
Wow-it seems so long ago! The blog sure has been a healing tool and I couldn't have laughed more in the process!! Thanks to all who continue to plug in, laugh with me, and even share your own stories of dates! Final chapters sent off and looking for the "rough draft" from publisher soon....:-)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mr. Rules and Regulations
Trying my last ditch effort of the friendly dating service before my membership expired, I decided to take this final plunge and offer to meet a financier on a Friday night at a swanky beach restaurant. The girls assured me he was conversationally adept, divorced, educated, quite handsome and enjoyed many of the same things I did. He was successful, and was looking to share some time with someone who wouldn’t complicate his life, but compliment it. Were those his words, theirs or taken from me? Either way, I was interested to hear a little more and meet this William guy.
William, met me at the entrance of the restaurant. He was a bit more handsome than what the girls said, or maybe it was just me attracted to him right off the bat! Whatever the case, he had a GREAT boyish grin and smiled quite a bit when he spoke, looking directly in my eyes. Oh, that is a rarity with most! He’s scoring brownie points already! We decided to grab a table towards the back as to have a little more of an intimate setting, but not too far from others enjoying the winter night out. William began the small talk of hobbies and questions about what I liked to do in my spare time. He shared he has a pretty tight schedule with meetings on certain days at set times, but enjoys working out at the gym in the mornings before work three days a week, has his children two nights a week, every other weekend and goes to the movies every other Saturday with friends Trish and Phil.
Having a schedule, life and plans are good, I was thinking, but is there some flex time in there? How am I going to fit it in? Well, William began asking what time my day starts and what I do after work. Because I have my children and am somewhat slave to their schedules, my days vary. This seemed to perplex William, since most of his days are running on a tight schedule, with nearly every minute accounted for. If this would be remotely possible, according to William, would I be available to meet say Tuesday or Friday mornings for breakfast? “WHAT? Wow!” I just met you and I am not even sure of my schedule tomorrow let alone blocking out my Tuesday and/ or Friday mornings to meet your for breakfast! Plus, you may not even like my “cheesy girl sandwich”- which consists of a multi-grain bagel, fried egg and a slice of Kraft American cheese! (Yeah, I’m thinking it’s somewhat healthy due to the multi-grain bagel…HA!!) Some mornings, I don't even do the breakfast thing until I reach the office...low-sugar oatmeal. And, my coffee could stand up on it’s own, it’s that strong-you may not like it and by the time I roll out the door for the office, I have already had my two cups! Oh, let’s not forget that we just met and I haven’t even made it past the first date! Or, maybe just maybe, “breakfast” was code for a little “extra curricular” aka: boom-chica-boom-boom! activity to be scheduled in…ewwwhhh! We just met and although I’m attracted to your boyish grin, I’m growing less and less attracted to you the more you talk about your busy schedule and commitments!
Plus, I wanted to ask my own question: Do you go by William, your given name, or do you shorten it to Bill, Buddy, Mack, Will or something else? Perplexity set in momentarily as William said…”no, it’s just William.” Hmmm…that seems a bit formal. In the heat of passion, can I really get that all out in one breath? “Ohhhh Will….iam…” that’s more than what this asthmatic might be able to handle! And, William is awfully formal! Can you loosen your tie, unbutton your shirt and relax a little? I'm not suggesting let it all hang out on the first date, but something seems a bit off here.
As the waitress came over I tried to bury my head into the menu, a little embarrassed at my own thoughts diverting to a baited fishing line tossed into my lake to see if I would bite or pass. Another Friday night with a freak and I have just under an hour to go! Looks are totally not everything and although he has the most adorable smile with perfectly straight and not too white of teeth, it’s beginning to become obvious that he has some issues. The waitress was young and sweet, a real cutie trying to make a buck or two during the winter while her husband was off protecting our community as a police officer. She asked if this was a special night out and in my head I was thinking: “Yep! Real special!!” As she began probing or just simply trying to care for her table guests, I simply added we were out for our first date. William looked a bit embarrassed that I had just announced it was our first date to Suzy waitress. She proceeded to exclaim the “Oh my God’s…you look great together! What a cute couple!!” Maybe she was looking for the big tip of the night, no, not the “don’t run with scissors tip” either! Whatever the case, William was pouring through the menu only to finally ask if he could talk to the chef for a moment. A bit bewildered, Suzy waitress said sure and meandered her way towards the kitchen.
As the chef arrived at our table, William shared his specific desires for the evening entre, even going into detail of just how much salt, olive oil in the pan, a touch of soy on the pan seared fish, etc. I kid you not…I couldn’t make this up!! The chef was accommodating and Suzy just looked at me. I had no clue! After all, I had just met William and the girls from the service didn’t share any of this neurosis with me. William ordered green beans as a side dish and calmly explained aloud to both Suzy and I that he would be eating these with his fingers. WTF-not where’s the fire in this case! I decided to quickly place my favorite appetizer order for my meal and zip off to the ladies room for a breath of fresh air!
When I came out of the private bathroom stall, little Suzy was in the main area primping and fixing her skirt. With a big smile and a hopeful grin she shared her thoughts that William and I seemed to be really hitting it off! Are you joking me? I think this guy has so many rules and regulations he could put the finance commission back together and maybe even come up with a plan to bail our sinking economy out of recession! I assured Suzie that I wasn’t sure there would be much more than a first date if things didn’t turn around.
Ever heard the “Help a sister out!!” phrase? Maybe Suzie was trying to really score the tip of the night, or maybe she saw something I didn’t in William’s eyes and smile. Or maybe, just maybe, she is a hopeless romantic and was doing some wishful thinking that William and I would ride off into the sunset, live happily ever after and it all started right here: with her waiting on us that special first date. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none, but let’s just keep on keepin’ on with the date. Little Suzie tried to encourage sharing by asking a few questions when she returned to our table about how we met and came to be on our first date, where we were from, etc. Out of nowhere, but somewhere in her cute blonde head and puckered up pink shimmery lips came the question: “what are your rules of what to do and what not to do of a potential mate?” What? Are you serious? I need to answer that, right here, right now. I’m not sure I am prepared for that one. I had no need to worry…William chimed in first!
William decided the sharing of rules and regulations were just the topic he would like to discuss and no better time than the present to get it all out in the open. He branched out into the laundry list of: first, sleeping on a certain side of the bed. There will be no pretzel like spooning, you stay on your side, I will stay on mine and we will even have the remote control on the headboard to have that invisible line in the sheets. And, boy oh boy did he ever proceed to share! As if the bed thing rules weren't enough!! He has his own routine before bed: check the lights, 1, 2, 3; check the stocks, 1, 2, 3; check the phone for any missed messages, emails, or texts, 1, 2, 3; wash his face, 1, 2, 3; anti aging cream, 1, 2, 3; brush teeth, 1, 2, 3; floss, 1, 2, 3….it kept going on!! I finally exclaimed, not sure when he would end his laundry list of bedtime routine: "Look, I’m pretty simple. I don’t care whether the toilet paper goes over or under on the roll. Heck, I don’t even care if it’s on the back of the toilet. As long as there’s toilet paper in the bathroom, I am good to go!!" Seriously this guy has some issues and I’m pretzel- like flexible for most of life!
I’m not even sure at this point if they make a pill anymore for what he has or if it even has a name!! He may be one of a kind- a real short bus special friend!! And, no, you can’t borrow my bib or my helmet…that’s reserved!
By now I was wondering if the girls at the dating service knew any of this or if maybe the previous dates never got to know this much and didn’t share. Maybe no one thought this was a little over the top. Whatever the case, there’s no amount of glue that can fix this broken bowl of a soup sandwich! I knew right then and there that this date was done.
At least Mr. Rules and Regulations knew the part of a gentleman: paying the bill. As he walked me to my car, polite thank you’s were granted on both sides. My final date with the dating service would be a last laugh for sure! The baby deer in the dating world was ready to venture into the forest without assistance. Thanks girls!!
William, met me at the entrance of the restaurant. He was a bit more handsome than what the girls said, or maybe it was just me attracted to him right off the bat! Whatever the case, he had a GREAT boyish grin and smiled quite a bit when he spoke, looking directly in my eyes. Oh, that is a rarity with most! He’s scoring brownie points already! We decided to grab a table towards the back as to have a little more of an intimate setting, but not too far from others enjoying the winter night out. William began the small talk of hobbies and questions about what I liked to do in my spare time. He shared he has a pretty tight schedule with meetings on certain days at set times, but enjoys working out at the gym in the mornings before work three days a week, has his children two nights a week, every other weekend and goes to the movies every other Saturday with friends Trish and Phil.
Having a schedule, life and plans are good, I was thinking, but is there some flex time in there? How am I going to fit it in? Well, William began asking what time my day starts and what I do after work. Because I have my children and am somewhat slave to their schedules, my days vary. This seemed to perplex William, since most of his days are running on a tight schedule, with nearly every minute accounted for. If this would be remotely possible, according to William, would I be available to meet say Tuesday or Friday mornings for breakfast? “WHAT? Wow!” I just met you and I am not even sure of my schedule tomorrow let alone blocking out my Tuesday and/ or Friday mornings to meet your for breakfast! Plus, you may not even like my “cheesy girl sandwich”- which consists of a multi-grain bagel, fried egg and a slice of Kraft American cheese! (Yeah, I’m thinking it’s somewhat healthy due to the multi-grain bagel…HA!!) Some mornings, I don't even do the breakfast thing until I reach the office...low-sugar oatmeal. And, my coffee could stand up on it’s own, it’s that strong-you may not like it and by the time I roll out the door for the office, I have already had my two cups! Oh, let’s not forget that we just met and I haven’t even made it past the first date! Or, maybe just maybe, “breakfast” was code for a little “extra curricular” aka: boom-chica-boom-boom! activity to be scheduled in…ewwwhhh! We just met and although I’m attracted to your boyish grin, I’m growing less and less attracted to you the more you talk about your busy schedule and commitments!
Plus, I wanted to ask my own question: Do you go by William, your given name, or do you shorten it to Bill, Buddy, Mack, Will or something else? Perplexity set in momentarily as William said…”no, it’s just William.” Hmmm…that seems a bit formal. In the heat of passion, can I really get that all out in one breath? “Ohhhh Will….iam…” that’s more than what this asthmatic might be able to handle! And, William is awfully formal! Can you loosen your tie, unbutton your shirt and relax a little? I'm not suggesting let it all hang out on the first date, but something seems a bit off here.
As the waitress came over I tried to bury my head into the menu, a little embarrassed at my own thoughts diverting to a baited fishing line tossed into my lake to see if I would bite or pass. Another Friday night with a freak and I have just under an hour to go! Looks are totally not everything and although he has the most adorable smile with perfectly straight and not too white of teeth, it’s beginning to become obvious that he has some issues. The waitress was young and sweet, a real cutie trying to make a buck or two during the winter while her husband was off protecting our community as a police officer. She asked if this was a special night out and in my head I was thinking: “Yep! Real special!!” As she began probing or just simply trying to care for her table guests, I simply added we were out for our first date. William looked a bit embarrassed that I had just announced it was our first date to Suzy waitress. She proceeded to exclaim the “Oh my God’s…you look great together! What a cute couple!!” Maybe she was looking for the big tip of the night, no, not the “don’t run with scissors tip” either! Whatever the case, William was pouring through the menu only to finally ask if he could talk to the chef for a moment. A bit bewildered, Suzy waitress said sure and meandered her way towards the kitchen.
As the chef arrived at our table, William shared his specific desires for the evening entre, even going into detail of just how much salt, olive oil in the pan, a touch of soy on the pan seared fish, etc. I kid you not…I couldn’t make this up!! The chef was accommodating and Suzy just looked at me. I had no clue! After all, I had just met William and the girls from the service didn’t share any of this neurosis with me. William ordered green beans as a side dish and calmly explained aloud to both Suzy and I that he would be eating these with his fingers. WTF-not where’s the fire in this case! I decided to quickly place my favorite appetizer order for my meal and zip off to the ladies room for a breath of fresh air!
When I came out of the private bathroom stall, little Suzy was in the main area primping and fixing her skirt. With a big smile and a hopeful grin she shared her thoughts that William and I seemed to be really hitting it off! Are you joking me? I think this guy has so many rules and regulations he could put the finance commission back together and maybe even come up with a plan to bail our sinking economy out of recession! I assured Suzie that I wasn’t sure there would be much more than a first date if things didn’t turn around.
Ever heard the “Help a sister out!!” phrase? Maybe Suzie was trying to really score the tip of the night, or maybe she saw something I didn’t in William’s eyes and smile. Or maybe, just maybe, she is a hopeless romantic and was doing some wishful thinking that William and I would ride off into the sunset, live happily ever after and it all started right here: with her waiting on us that special first date. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none, but let’s just keep on keepin’ on with the date. Little Suzie tried to encourage sharing by asking a few questions when she returned to our table about how we met and came to be on our first date, where we were from, etc. Out of nowhere, but somewhere in her cute blonde head and puckered up pink shimmery lips came the question: “what are your rules of what to do and what not to do of a potential mate?” What? Are you serious? I need to answer that, right here, right now. I’m not sure I am prepared for that one. I had no need to worry…William chimed in first!
William decided the sharing of rules and regulations were just the topic he would like to discuss and no better time than the present to get it all out in the open. He branched out into the laundry list of: first, sleeping on a certain side of the bed. There will be no pretzel like spooning, you stay on your side, I will stay on mine and we will even have the remote control on the headboard to have that invisible line in the sheets. And, boy oh boy did he ever proceed to share! As if the bed thing rules weren't enough!! He has his own routine before bed: check the lights, 1, 2, 3; check the stocks, 1, 2, 3; check the phone for any missed messages, emails, or texts, 1, 2, 3; wash his face, 1, 2, 3; anti aging cream, 1, 2, 3; brush teeth, 1, 2, 3; floss, 1, 2, 3….it kept going on!! I finally exclaimed, not sure when he would end his laundry list of bedtime routine: "Look, I’m pretty simple. I don’t care whether the toilet paper goes over or under on the roll. Heck, I don’t even care if it’s on the back of the toilet. As long as there’s toilet paper in the bathroom, I am good to go!!" Seriously this guy has some issues and I’m pretzel- like flexible for most of life!
I’m not even sure at this point if they make a pill anymore for what he has or if it even has a name!! He may be one of a kind- a real short bus special friend!! And, no, you can’t borrow my bib or my helmet…that’s reserved!
By now I was wondering if the girls at the dating service knew any of this or if maybe the previous dates never got to know this much and didn’t share. Maybe no one thought this was a little over the top. Whatever the case, there’s no amount of glue that can fix this broken bowl of a soup sandwich! I knew right then and there that this date was done.
At least Mr. Rules and Regulations knew the part of a gentleman: paying the bill. As he walked me to my car, polite thank you’s were granted on both sides. My final date with the dating service would be a last laugh for sure! The baby deer in the dating world was ready to venture into the forest without assistance. Thanks girls!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
